New organic farm

Last Friday, Mr Wong, his sister, Ah Wei and I visited a new farm land. It will be Mr Wong and Ah Wei's new organic vegetable farm. It got a channel with water from a nearby mountain, and the land has been left fallow for many years.

It was initially proposed to be a conventional monoculture farm but the project did not materialise, so the land is actually never farmed. Just the perfect start for an organic farm; on a land untouched by conventional farming.

We met with Encik A who is sort of the village focal point, who is gathering the multitude of land owners to consolidate the lands. He has experience in organic farming and very enthusiastic with Mr Wong's venture. I was there to help out in the agreement and subsequently the organic practice in the farm.

I must admit although I am a qualified horticulturist, the last time I supervised any large scale planting was more than a decade ago, and those were landscaping projects...haha.

Anyway, I draw inspiration from Jannie, who ensures the organic produce in her shops are truly organic because she eats them herself. I would help ensure that the vegetable and fruit produce in this coming farm is indeed organic because I will be eating them myself!

Other incentives include lots of mature fruit trees around the farm and office area...yahoo! :)

More details will be shared as this project progresses. It's time I brush up on my organic agriculture knowledge! :)

Chapati

Made my first chapati (a type of Indian bread eaten with dhal or curry) on Saturday. Used buckwheat flour instead of wheat flour to avoid gluten. Buckwheat flour need like a buckwheat:water ratio of 1:5 instead of wheatflour:water ratio of 3:1; so there were lots of experimenting; re-watering re-flouring during the kneading process.

The result?

Tasted and looked like cardboard ..kakaka...but hej...it's good enough for me...and it was salvaged by my not-too-bad dhall. ;)

Walk

Started to walk around my home's neighbourhood. These are supplement to my Guo Lin Qi Qong walking qiqong. Walked early in the morning and late evening. There are certain parts of the neighbourhood which has light traffic, but most of the time I can smell fuel fumes from the vehicle, especially from school buses in the early morning.

Anyway, there are spots of nice clean air but I have to walk past fume-laden areas to get to them...Timing is important to escape early morning traffic as people get to work, and evening as they return.

Although my legs are getting stronger, and breathing is easier, there is stiffness on my back, and now there is a bit of stiffness in front of my chest area.

Can we all just live in harmony?

One of the books I refer to is the book by father of Macrobiotics; Michio Kushi titled "The Macrobiotic Approach to Cancer".

There is one paragraph which I don't quite understand for sometime. The paragraph is in the section titled "The role of love in healing". The idea in this section is the basis for my concept in regaining my health, which I have blogged in the posting titled "Gore and Love".

The approach is opposite of the typical response to cancer; to treat cancer cells are enemies to be destroyed. The mindset is war and fear. I don't want to think of my body to be a battleground, things are bad enough as it is!

Cancerous cells are cancerous not due to their own free will. And these are OUR cells. They turned malignant because of some mistakes we did, our lifestyle choice, or something happened to us which we have no control over. It is not the fault of the original cells.

The section then come to his paragraph(pg 18-21):

"In the macrobiotic view, the body's immune response is based on the process of natural attracion and harmony that is found throughout the universe. The antibiodies secreted by immune cells actually complement and make a balance with cancer cells, viruses or other potentially harmful substance. Antibodies have an opposite polarity to these cells and neutralize their extreme or excessive qualities, thus keeping the body in a state of healthy equilibrium. In other words, the immune response is a process of natural harmony, not war. When we are healthy, the immune system functions effeciently and we remain free of sickness. When our overall condition deteriorates, the immune system loses the ability to neutralize these substances and we become sick."

Quite difficult to digest the above para,at least for me. I take it to mean that even if the cancer is not cured, but there is a way to live in harmony with the cancer cells; to maintain an equilibrium where the person can have a life of quality while the tumour is still within the body.

When Chiew Kieok visited me with Agnes and Pai Ling, she recalled a relative who talked with her tumor to strike a deal. Mr Lim also mentioned about talking to the cancer cells not as enemies but something that resides within our selves, and something to live with. I also mentioned that I can negotiate with the cancer cells by saying..."hej, look..if I go, you go too!"

But one important thing is; attention must not only be given to the the cancer cells. Our healthy cells must also be acknowledged, lest they feel neglected and throw tantrums! So we must also talk to our healthy cells, thank them for the fortitude and loyalty! Make them feel good and pamper them.

Hmmm...I am sounding like a politician...or maybe I am just your typical smooth operator ;)

Darth Vader Qi

Today, as in every Thursday, I will go to Cheras to see Dr Yong. Today is special because there is also a reflexology sifu or master at the Tao Centre. So in addition to treatment from Dr Yong, Master Sim also gave me leg and feet massage and Qi therapy. He said there are blockages at my legs and proceed to massage the blocked meridians. It's more ticklish and less painful actually.

He also gave some advise about regaining my health. He asked me to do liberation exercise, and I like his suggestion. Liberation exercise is where animals were released from captivity by people. I have done one liberation exercise which I critised in a previous blog.

The previous liberation exercise was to release captured wild animals, which are already wild in the first place, but was caught just to cater for people who wants to "liberate" them. Master Sim this is doing bad when one wants to do good.

What he suggest is to go to the wet market, and seek out the fish stalls. These stalls usually have frogs and live fresh water fish about to be slaugthered. These are the animals in desperate need of liberation. He asked me to buy some of these animals and liberate them in their natural habitat.

During the liberation act; recite homage to the Buddha, wish these animals speedy freedom from the current form, and of course tell them my name and age so they know who freed them...haha...also to ask them to carry my ailments far far away.

Master Sim them proceeded to transfer Qi to me. Unlike others who are silent during Qi session, Master Qi does heavy loud breathing during the session. Reminds me of Darth Vader of Star Wars breathing. It's like breathing thru a mask...hehehe..

So I have met a Dunhill-smoking Qi master and now a Qi master who breath like Darth Vader ;)

Master Sam gave me lots of motivational talk and encouragement. Like the concept of most alternative therapies, he said I must build up my immune system, my body has to be strong, and no disease can touch one with good immune system.

He said to be confident and positive, and think of the final result of how I want to be; HEALTHY, regardless of my condition now. I said that is exactly what I am doing.

Jannie's counselling

Went to see Jannie today. We talked about the various different therapies and their sometimes conflicting advice. We talked about Gerson Therapy, Macrobiotics and other therapies. We concur that Gerson is a therapy that needs monitoring by trained Gerson personnel. It is difficult for one alone, especially it involves a lot of monitoring.

The only Gerson-related advise I follow now is just the juicing. Jannie,and other people, has advised me that Gerson's diet may be more suited for Western palate, and we Asian has to follow more of the staple stuff we eat, for example rice instead of potato.

Jannie is very knowledgable and most happy to share her knowledge. She said she makes sure the organic items in her shops are REALLY organic because she herself, a cancer survivor, eats what she sells. She won't waste the 2nd chance the Creator has given her after her 2nd victory against cancer.

Thanks, Jannie...for the advise and encouragement.

"Chicken" Rice

My mom, nephew and I had lunch at Jannie's restaurant. A hilarious thing happened with our lunch order today.

Jannie's menu has "Vegan Chicken Rice", and coincidently today's special is "Hainanese Chicken Rice"...with real chicken! Jannie's restaurant is NOT a vegetarian restaurant but an organic one.

Anyway, I proceed to order "chicken rice' thinking it would be the vegan one. The staff taking order is a foreign worker, I guess not that proficient in English, and I didn't realise that there are two chicken rice choices.

The "chicken rice" came. I was puzzled because it is curry chicken; Hainanese chicken rice is steamed chicken. Anyway, since I can't take spicy food, I ate only a small piece of what I thought is vegan chicken-look-and-taste-alike. Wow I said...it really taste like chicken!!!! It even got bone-like stucture!!!!

My mom said maybe Jannie has attached real chicken bones to the vegan chicken, we had a laugh. I continue to munch on the chicken and continue to say wow...this is really like chicken, what effort they put into making it taste and look like real chicken, it even has bones!!!

My nephew took my bowl of chicken curry and ate one, and he said this IS chicken! My mom ate hers and said...hej, this IS chicken!!!

People, it IS chicken...hahaha

Anyway, other than chicken rice, we also ordered Hokkien mee and fried rice, and they are all delicious. The cosy restaurant was packed during lunch time. We will be back, and I MUST have the VEGAN chicken rice! ;)

Traci

Traci is an American citizen currently staying in Nilai. I was at NCI Cancer Hospital when I saw her walking around with a basket full of colourfully wrapped cookies. She was giving packets of these cookies to the patients in the hospital.

She came to me and gave me one. She explained that when her mom was having radiotherapy in the US, she craved for the same cookies. So Traci is trying to do her bit in bringing cheer and comfort to the cancer patients here in Nilai, Malaysia.

Thanks, Traci!

Iressa

Met with Dr Kana of NCI Cancer Hospital yesterday. Not much to report. I showed him the 2 lumps at the end of my left rib. He said currently it is yet something to be concerned about, but need to monitored.

I have rashes on my face and chest area, and breaks at the end of thumbs are the side effects of Iressa. He mentioned about possibility of stopping Iressa for 1 or two weeks if the breaks worsen and infection sets in, this is to apply antibiotics.

Dr Kana also explained that the dosage of Iressa has been varied by his patients. One is taking only twice a week because of the cost, some also vary their dosage other than once per day. I am tempted to do that, one is to see which dose does not or minimise the rash on my face, chest and breaks in the fingers.

The breaks in the thumbs makes it painful to do cooking and washing, but not a big problem since I am wearing glove to do that.

People have been commenting about my face rash, actually its more like pimples; lots of them. They are small dry pimples. Combined with my emancipated state (I have lost like 20kg) I really look like a drug addict! Hej, Leela, Christa, looks like you have to wait for a while for me to regain my dashing movie star good looks...hahaha ;)

Dr Kana is concerned about my weigh loss, and expressed his frustration that I am still on a vegan diet. I explained that I am no food fundamentalist and will change my diet if my weight doesn't improve. I have incorporated eggs into my diet, so I am no longer a strict vegan. Also I will be taking bovine source whey powder starting tomorrow.

He also explained that the steroid I am on also causes protein to be lost; so there are actually a combination of factors, which is causing my weigh loss.

We also talked about how long the good effects of Iressa would last. The mutation of the cancer cells can happen to make it resistent to Iressa, but he has a patient who is still around after 3 years on Iressa. So it all depends on the individual. I would like to think Iressa will be good for me for a loooooong time :)

...Sensitive me...

Went to see a dentist yesterday. I thought I am having cavities. Turned out it's not. It's just sensitivity of the teeth. The dentist suggested this may be due to the amount of fruit juice I am taking everyday.

So he proceeded to just clean the affected sensitive teeth. He suggested to chew sugar-less gum after each juicing so the saliva can be activated to clean the teeth. He said the current condition of my teeth is fine.

Whew, I am glad I don't have to go thru any drilling!

...here's my card...

History is made today as the first namecard proclaiming I am a cancer patient is revealed to the world ;)

yup, I just collected them this afternoon...could this be the world's first namecard titled for a cancer patient? This gonna be a collectors' item ;)

Mr Wong has the honour of first receiving the card, followed by Dr Yong, Mr Wong's sister and Dr Wong.

This is how my namecard looks like:

Front side:

FOO HEE BOON
Cancer Patient

...I have stories to tell
& lessons to share...

http://fhbadventure.blogspot.com
email: heeboon@gmail.com

Reverse side:

...just for Today...

...be happy...
...be calm...
...work with integrity...
...be kind to all...
...count your blessings...

...just for Today...

- adapted from : Reiki Principles -

State intervention

The other day I read about a local young boy who succumbed to mouth cancer. His parents did not send him to a hospital until it was too late. That was also because his case was highlighted in May this year, and the parents were persuaded to send him to hospital by the high ranking government official. His parents did not send him to hospital but have been sending him to various bomohs (Malay faith healers).

The doctor who saw him when he was finally warded said he would stand a better chance of survival if he were to come in earlier for allopathy treatment. The newspaper article has a photo of this boy (around 17 years old) being helped to the hospital by his mom and a medical staff...it was a sad sight; he was skin and bones and his mouth is full of dark ugly sores.

After the boy died, the parents said they did what they thought was best for their child.

Earlier, I read in CNN about a case in the US where a US State authority took a child away from her parents. The girl has cancer and the parents refused to let her undergo radiotherapy. The child underwent earlier surgery and the parents thought she is in remission, and thus do not want to follow her doctors' advise.

When a later test show the cancer is returning, the State authority took custody of the child and will be sending her for treatment. Her parents are not allowed to see their child now. The parents do not seem to object because they realise the cancer is not in remission. I think the parents were worried about the effects of radiotherapy hence their earlier objection.

But do you think the action of the State is heavy handed but justified? Compare that with fate of the local child who died because the parents didn't know better?

May you be well and happy

Today (Monday 20 June) both my 3rd Aunty and 2nd Uncle are undergoing surgery. I have blogged about my 3rd Aunty previously. She will undergo a spine surgery so that she is able to walk and stand without support. My 2nd Uncle's surgery is to remove a tumor in his digestive system; he is having cancer too.

May both of them have a successful surgery and speedy recovery.

From the same pot?

I am buying a natural cleanser from the same company for bathing, face, hand-washing, shampoo and dishwashing. I looked at the ingredients and they are nearly all the same for the different usage!!! OK, there are only difference of one or two ingredients which does not alter the constituent or function much.

The most amazing discovery is the that dishwasher formula is almost the same as the rest of the range; shower gel, handwash and shampoo. The main difference is that the dishwasher is the cheapest...so what I gonna do from now on? I will use the dishwasher as the common washing liquid for myself!!!

Dishwasher for my hair, face and body...and no, I haven't started to do this yet, and no, my pimples are not due to dishwasher on my face....hehehe ;)

Mark of the RT

I ended my radiotherapy (RT) session on the vertebra and chest in 20th April. Only a few weeks ago, my sister notice a palm-sized black mark on my back where the RT hit.

Hmmmm...so the sideeffect do come long after the RT was completed, and remain so for quite sometime. Interesting to note the black mark is only at the back, and not the chest area where the RT was done for the chest lymph. Anyway, it is gone now.

My face is also breaking out in pimples. Not that serious but its a lot of tiny pimples. Jannie said she had the same symptoms after her RT. Hmmm...

Have you ever felt the Qi?

I have been practising Qiqung for sometime. Have I ever felt the Qi?

I remember when I first attended Dr Amir's Qiqung class in 2004. He demonstrated Qi by sending his from the stage to the participants. I was at the last row so I can see some reactions from some participants. A guy in front of me was writhing and twisting away, some were swaying. Many afterwards say they felt something while Dr Amir was sending Qi to us. A tiny minority and I wondered what happened as we felt nothing...hehehe

The first time I felt "something" was in the Argentinian hospital where I was warded when my first cancer symptom appeared. I was doing the energy ball movement (where you place your palms facing each other and try to form an imaginary ball). My palms were pushed away like opposing poles of magnets.

My arms were pushed to the sides by this "force" until I look like crucified. My eyes were closed at that time, and when I opened them, a medical assistant was in front of me. He must be wondering what strange stuff this Asian guy is doing... ;)

The 2nd time is again in a hospital, this time in Seremban hospital also with the energy ball movement. Now, I get a feeling of a hula-hoop twisting in my body starting from the head when I do the Tao's centre's beginning movement. My body will be twisting guided by the hula hoop loop inside my body. I tried to control and direct it but doesn't seem to work, so I just let it flow.

Were all these imaginary? I am a sceptic even during the spectacle at Dr Amir's. But the hula hoop feeling do come spontaneously when I try to imagine my body relaxing beginning from the top of the head. Well, I think I will do less analysis whether this is just a deliberate self-directed movement, and just go with the flow.

Book Browsing Day

As I promised myself last week, yesterday (Thursday) will be a Book Browsing Day. My sis, Ah Wei and I made a short stop at my PJ house to pick up some stuff and an even briefer stop at TrEES's office. Thanks to Leela for getting some items from the US, and thanks to both Leela & Christa for buying grocery for me! :)

We went to The Curve before going to my main destination; the POPULAR bookstore Ikano Power Centre! I spent like nearly 2 hours there,and still not enough. Hej, it's been like 6 months since my last visit to a bookstore! Bought lots of books. I am more of a collector of books; my books I use more for reference rather than reading each and everyone of the books I buy.

Anyway, has by today gone thru the vegetarian cookbooks to add variety to my cooking ;)

I am using shopping complexes as my practice run to prepare walking in the airports,I don't want to use a wheelchair. Shopping complexes has many similarities with airports; they have big and vast walking space, air-conditioned with lots of people walking about. I found out I have nearly regained my usual walking speed, I often leave my sis & nephew behind as I walked...not bad, eh! ;)

After Popular, we went to the Countryfarm's warehouse at Sunway Damansara to pick up carrots and apples for my juicing. Ms Gan te Purchasing Manager helped me to get the items. I knew Ms Gan BC when I used to patronise the 1-Utama's Countryfarm's organic shop.

After we are done with PJ, we went to Brickfields to drop my sister off at her friend's. I am now beginning to be independent, and hope to give my sister's life back to her. Eventually, I would like to be totally independent so that she can revive her business.

I asked Ah Wei to drop me at the Brickfields Vihara for me to pick up more books. Read the post "Seek first to understand II" for more details. ;)

Ah Wei and I then headed towards Cheras to see Dr Yong at her clinic. She spent 2 hours on me; I am lucky there was no other patient that late evening. She gave me acupuncture, meridian massage and Qi workout. A very comprehensive treatment. Yuen Fong happened to drop by and the 3 of us have a great discussion. As usual, it a light hearted conversation with lots of laughter.

All in all....a Great Outing!

"...baby, you can drive my car..." - The Beatles

Doctors at NCI have advised me not to drive a vehicle. This is due to the condition of my bones,especially the vetebra. A pathological fracture may occur because of the fragile bones. Also the tumours in the brain may swell and cause a fit. If these happen, I will not only endanger myself but also other road users.

But I still harbour a hope that all these can be overcome. They have mentioned about naughty patients who disregarded their advice and drive. I think I will review the situation after the China trip.

Let's see. I look forward to the day I can be independent and drive a car again..!

Concerned spirits

After the episode of mega-breathlessness, I was bed-ridden at home, and Dr Yong came to help me. When one is doing Qi-transfer, one is at a very sensitive level of consciousness. One time, Dr Yong sensed the presence of 3 beings in my bedroom.

She told my sister (she didn't tell me at that time) that the 3 spirits were at my bedside and gazed at me in a very concerned manner. She is not afraid because the beings don't look threatening, just gazing very compassionately as I lie in my bed.

When she finished her session, she went to our living room and came upon a photo of my mom, dad and grandma. My mom is flanked at her left side by my late dad, and on her right side by my late grandma. She said my dad and grandma are the two beings in my bedroom. The third person is an elderly gentleman who she don't see in any of the photos.

Who could the third being be? My grandad? I only have recollection of my maternal grandad who passed away in 1976. Some nights when I do my Metta meditation, the first beings I reach out to send metta are the departed relatives whom I have recollection.

The most recently departed are my grandma,dad,Uncle Loke and his wife (Uncle Loke passed away from liver disease, and his wife Annie passed away a few months after him when her breast cancer came back; leaving two very young kids behind). But Uncle Loke is young, and don't look "elderly" as what Dr Yong described of the 3rd being.

I have no reason to disbelieve what Dr Yong said she sensed. I would expect the spirits of my dad and grandma to visit me in the manner which Dr Yong described.

I wonder who the third spirit is?

Seek first to understand II

I went to the bookstore at Brickfields Buddhist Vihara. As I was paying for the books, a bespectacled middle-aged lady asked me something in Mandarin which I don't understand. She then asked "You didn't eat?"

I presume she is refering to my emancipated condition. I said I am not well and have cancer. She then launched into unsolicited advice about fighting cancer. She asked what treatment or therapy I am on, so I explained.

It seems like everything I do is wrong, she is contemptous of all my effort to regain my health. She would then give her recommendations which she considers are much superior than mine, and she made it clear that she thinks they are so. I grew more agitated with her obnoxious manner that finally I just got up and walked away.

She was quite taken aback and talked to a nun, who were attending me,about me walking away. She also made a remark that I don't have to read so much. I just say "Thank You" to her and walked away.

I think she shouldn't spend more time sitting at the bookstore counter, she should spend more time on Metta meditation and cultivate her compassion and empathy.

May she be well and happy...

Jannie's II

Found out Jannie's set-up has a website @ http://healthparadise-organic.com

Jannie's

This afternoon, Mr Wong brought me today to an organic shop run by a cancer survivor (winner?). Jannie was stricken by cancer twice and it has been 16 years since her last cancer episode. She triumphed. She told me at the time of her cancer, there is no such thing as organic shops. She has to turn to the Creator to seek answers.

She set up her organic shop because she realised many organic shops are not totally "organic" and more towards profit-oriented. I like her organic shop which is called Health Paradise in Subang Jaya, there is a restaurant which I will try next time.

We talked for awhile about overcoming cancer, and somehow I realise although she is free from cancer for nearly 2 decades, she is totally thankful and blessed to the Creator for each day she is cancer-free.

Her set-up is also the only Malaysian set-up certified as complying with the NASAA Organic standard, for wholesaling, repacking, importing and labelling by the National Association for Sustainable Agriculture, Australia Limited (NASAA). I will blog more about her and her shop when I get more information.

Killing time?

A friend asked me how do I kill time. Once another friend asked me other than watching TV what I else do I do? emmmm...I don't "kill" time and rarely watch TV (maybe once a month?)! Time is so precious to me now I don't have enough of it...the last thing I want do is to "kill" it or waste time watching TV.

Everyday I wake-up being so thankful that it would be blasphemous to treat time so in such a cavelier manner; indeed..."killing" time is like throwing my life away! Even for someone who is healthy, surely time is too precious to even consider "killing" it!

Roger Hamilton

Before Cancer (BC) I used to go to previews of financial management, entrepreneur and motivation previews and seminars. It's fun and the previews are usually free...haha...I get to meet lots of people striving to improve themselves financially and personally.

I also take the opportunity to see how the various speakers convey their message; how effective their style of presentation and the teaching techniques they use. All these I learn and apply for my own work.

The best I have attended is one by Roger Hamilton (http://www.resultsfoundation.com/public) (http://www.rogerhamilton.com/WDW). I signed up for one of his personal coaching last year. But when I was stricken with cancer, I decided to consolidate my finances.

I asked to be to de-registered from his coaching and asked for a refund for the remainder of the coaching programme. Roger immediately refunded. I am very grateful for his prompt response; no questions asked. Thanks, Roger!

Another thing I like about Roger's set-up is the XL magazine which is a magazine for and of entrepreneurs, but with a social conscious. It gives free advertisement space to NGOs and features conservation news around the world. The articles are well-written and personality featured are always very engaging (http://www.resultsfoundation.com/public/xlmag.html).

Anthony Robbins

Continuing with the subject of motivational guru, the mega-guru on motivation should be Anthony Robbins. I re-read his book with a different eye. If previously I read his book (or tried to) with an eye towards the financial aspect, now I read it with an orientation towards health.

Kian Foh's friend introduced me to Pek An Jon who lent me his Anthony Robbins CD and I find them absolutely helpful. I listen to them everyday and renewed my motivation and gained many new ideas. Thanks,Jon.

Well, Anthony's audience may be more towards financial wealth (at least I know of the audience in Malaysia!) but now I know Health is the Ultimate Wealth, and his message can equally be used to realise that.

Seek first to understand...

Yesterday Yuen Fong brought a Feng Shui master to our home. He was supposed to advise the feng shui of our home. Well, we are open to new adventures so we agreed initially when Yuen Fong suggested it. This master went to our house and like a stormtrooper began to attack the way the furniture and other household stuff are aligned. He cast an extremely critical eye on almost nearly every aspect of the house.

My sister and I are not very happy with the way he goes about his consultation. He did not seek first to understand why some of the furniture are the way they are; or why there are some weird renovation done in the house. Most of the things he criticised came about when the three old folks were taken care by my sister and her family.

There were desperate measures like constructing toilet and bath in bedrooms, mixing of different sofas and various stuff which the feng shui master critised without fully understanding the reasons. Even after we tried to explain, he is quite dogmatic in his diagnosis. He even asked us to throw away the wheelchair which grandma and dad used; and to remove the bath; without appreciating I am using them now!

He said the household won't be at peace of the feng shui remained as they are now. He still don't comprehend that the sick people who stayed at my sister's place got sick elsewhere, and have to come to my sister's house to recuperate. My sister's house is like a place of hope for desperately ill people like me! It is not the cause of the disease but the point of recuperation!!!! Why can't you just simply try to understand this,sir?!

His presence in our house is not very pleasant. But there are some aspect of his advise which we will follow; like making an altar for ancestors and "re-activate" the outside altar for the Sky deity. We will also re-align the dining table and remove a sofa which is in front of the main door.

Anyway, please sir, before you storm into someone's house and start criticising the household, seek first to understand...

Happy Birthday, Mr Wong!

On Friday (10 June), Mr Wong invited my whole family for dinner at his restaurant. When asked what's the occassion, he just mentioned that it's just a dinner for friends. So me and my family trooped to his restaurant, the dinner is a vegetarian steamboat dinner. After yesterday's banana leaf rice, I am again eating "normal" food that others are eating.

There are several families invited, three of which Mr Wong has brought to see Dr Yong. This man is just out of this world. He wants to heal us and now he is feeding us!

As I have related in my postings, Mr Wong is my number one Qui Ren (Mandarin meaning Precious Person) who is the focal point for me to meet healers and advisers, in addition to preparing my meals everyday and bringing them to my home. He is indeed a gift to me and many sick person.

I am not the only beneficiary of this outstanding person; he has fetched a whole family to see Dr Yong several times because the father of the family had cancer and can't drive. There are other charitable act he has done and doing that deserves a blog of their own.

I think I am the one who ate continuously non-stop during the dinner. I stuffed my face with the variety of vegeratian goodies steamed in the tomyam soup. During the dinner, one of our dinner companion casually mentioned that it is Mr Wong's birthday! We were flabbergasted! Here we are gorging ourselves in comfort while Mr Wong the Birthday Boy is slogging away!

My sister quietly slipped outside to call his son, who is still at home, to buy a birthday cake. We managed to surprise Mr Wong when the cake arrives, and in turn feted this exceptional man.

A Very Happy Birthday, Mr Wong! :)))

Firsts

These few days I done several firsts since I was discharged from IJN; the 1st first was the blogged banana leaf lunch; my first restaurant meal since IJN. The 2nd first is going to a mall. The 3rd first is to go to the mall on a wheelchair.

The fourth first is I have started to cook again yesterday (Saturday). I am experimenting with recipes suggested by Gerson(www.gerson.org), Dr Lai Chiu Nan(www.lapislazulilight.com), vegan cooking(June Kahong Lim of Eco-Cuisine). I am noting my improvised recipes and their effect on me. I think yesterday's dinner gave me mild indigestion...I was letting go wind all the way...hehehe ;)

Fifth first; the bed has been the centre of my universe especially since the breathlessness episode. I have been reading, eating and even once brushing my teeth on my bed. Yesterday I, mom and Ah Wei my nephew went to MACRO to purchase files and office peripheral. The telephone cable is extended to reach the desk in my room; thus enabling my notebook to connect inside the room. So I have an office now! I expect projects proposals to now overflow in my in-box ;)

Sixth first; I received a proposal for work today. I hadn't agreed to the work. Anyway I am exploring and checking my resources whether this is something I can take on. I had a work proposal a month back I think but I was in no state of mind to do it. This time, I am eager to start working again. so I got a first work exploration! :)

Seventh first; today I bathed on my feet. OK..OK..stop laughing. Since IJN, I have been bathing sitting down because of either weakness of the legs or breathlessness. Sometimes I bath sitting down on my own, and sometimes my mom or sis bathed me. You know, it becomes a habit that you just continue to do something although you are capable of doing it differently.

Today it came to my mind; why am I still bathing sitting down??!! So I tried standing up and..hej..I can do it! This is one of the "simple" things we take for granted; ability to bath on your own feet! Be aware and be grateful, people...it is a big deal for someone like me! :)

What are other firsts if I continue to feel better? I am really looking forward to more firsts!

Uh-huh...

On Thursday I had banana leaf rice at one of my favourite restaurant. One of the curry gravy was quite spicy and I had a mild shock after a few months on a bland saltless diet. My head spinned,felt slightly light-headed and sweated.

On Friday I had Tomyam steamboat where I gorged on "normal" vegetarian fare. I bit on a cili padi of the Tomyam and had a mild hot flush. I sweated and had running nose with a mouth on fire. These were two shock to my system.

Yesterday I woke up with a bout of cough, something I didn't have for a few days before the food indulgence. Today I also had a bad bout of cough in the afternoon when Kian Foh came to visit. Could these be the result of my food indiscretion?

Not only did the coughing bout came back, my old hemorrhoid wound acted up again. See the posting below titled "Phew?" :P

Phew?

This post is for mature audience only. Contains references to bodily discharge ;)

When I was recovering from the breathlessness episode, I wasn't taking care of my water and fibre intake. This resulted in very dry stool. This dry stuff cut my old hemorrhoid wound which I had in 2000. So I had renal bleeding.

At first I thought the dry stool just cut my renal. But a doctor friend said normal person won't have cut renal even if the stool is dry; so it is from the old hemorrhoid site. He said it will stop on its own, if not better to have a check-up.

Dr Yong gave me head acupuncture to stop the bleeding. It stopped the day after. She also gave me a prescription to stop the bleeding. This is a special medicine. Named Yunnan Paiyao, Mr Wong said this was used by Chinese soldiers to stop mild wounds during World War II. I read the instruction and it even said to help gun shot wound..wow! In addition to 16 pills, there is one single special round red pill which is to be taken for serious hemorrhage.

After the first renal bleeding due to dry stool has stopped, I indulged in spicy food. The renal bleeding came back on Saturday. I suspect its because of the spicy food. I took a day prescription of the Yunnan pill and the bleeding has stopped today. I hope this is the end of the bleeding!

OK, no more spicy food for me!!!

Day Out!!!

Today, I did several things for the first time since I was discharged from IJN on 29^th March 2005; ate restaurant food and went to a mall. Planned to browse at a bookstore but time does not permit.

I could hardly sleep last night as I go thru my mind the plans I have for today. We departed from Seremban at 10am.

First, went to NCI to replenish my steroid prescription.

Then to Sri Paandi in PJ to eat their vegetarian banana-leaf rice (rice and curry on banana leaf). Yumyumyummmmmmmm…!!!! Mom, sis and nephew ate the non-vegetarian version. For someone who has not eaten outside for a long time, it’s a moment to cherish. :)

Afters, to my PJ house to pick-up some books and stuff. The car is getting full. Mom and sister have to cradle some items in the packed car…hehe

Then, to 1-Utama’s Country Farm store to buy some organic and health items. This shop has improved tremendously in their selection and design. Congratulations! Mom and sis ended up cradling more things!

Wanted then to go to IKANO Power Centre but time does not permit.

Moved on to see Dr. Yong in Cheras. She is very happy with my progress. Mom, sis and I then each has our own acupuncture session. All of us were in the same room, with mom snoring blissfully away with needles in her, while sis and I just lie there enjoying the rest after the day’s activity.

Going to 1-Utama today is quite an experience. This is the first time I am on a wheelchair in public. I can’t walk long distance and 1-Utama is not 7-11. So my nephew pushed me around. Well, no one took notice of me…like it’s quite normal.

Next week, I will make it a Book Browsing Day. I really missed browsing at the bookstores.

The Joy of Acupuncture ;)

I enjoy best the acupuncture to the head..why?..because they are painless…haha…unlike the softer side of the body like wrist, calf and ankle where I do feel slight pain and discomfort as the needle initially puncture the skin. Sometimes as she tweaks them, they are like electrical pulse which is slightly uncomfortable; although this is rare.

Anyway, she said if I feel the needle; it means the meridians are opening up….hmmm…okk-kk-kk…This may be true because the first few times I don’t feel a thing even with 20-25 needles in me. Or maybe because the first few sensation of pain makes me now more sensitive, and more anticipatory of discomfort? Well, the best part about acupuncture is when the needles are being pulled out…hahaha :)))

I feel good...

Very very much better. If this goes on, I can walk in the airport; no need to have wheel chair.

Yesterday and today I woke up so energetic. The nightsweat is gone, although still has slight insomnia, but sleeping like 5-6 hours these 2 days. Woke up, 45 minutes of Qiqong, and able to climb the stairs in my home without breathlessness, but still slight weakness in the legs.

I try to get out from my bed more often to walk around after being bed-ridden for a few days. Lying in bed is no good for circulation and muscles would atrophy. Quite an effort because I am reading vociferously on cancer and other stuff. I am also learning Chinese script so my mind is very occupied.

Dino advised me to take it easy and concentrate my mind on meditation rather than burning energy on reading! I think he is right; I should be more relaxed and let the mind rest and do more meditation...

Dr Yong came to Seremban on Tuesday (yesterday) and did head acupunture on me. She is monitoring me and is happy with my progress.

You know what, the breathlessness episode turned out to be a blessing in disguise. It forced me to make the decision to take Iressa; and it turned out to be a good decision until now. The postponed China trip is being re-planned into a more comprehensive trip. Details will be revealed as things get firmer. :)

OK, gtg..it's 8.15pm now...gotta read Friedman's "The World is Flat" before calling it a day! ;)

Gifts Galore!

I was overwhelmed with gifts these days. Some are tangible gifts and some are intangible; gifts of words, encouragement, comfort, and even just the mere knowledge that you have been thinking of me. Whatever gifts I received, they fill my heart with great joy.

Zoë Kaplan sent me another 2 CDs of her singing the Surah; thus completing my collection of her Healing Sounds. Thanks, Zoë :)

Dino told his Japanese friend about my condition. This lady who wishes to remain anonymous immediately couriers to Dino one month supply of two types of supplements commonly used by Japanese cancer patients. Dino received the couriered gifts on Monday, and he rushed to pass it to me on Monday evening.

The kind Japanese lady called Dino frequently to ask about my condition and to advice about her gifts. She will send me another month's supply later because the supplement seem to be out of stock in Japan!

What can I say? To the anonymous kind lady....Arigato Gonzaimas! And thanks to Dino for coming all the way from KL at night to pass me the gifts, and to help translate the Japanese instruction, and to teach me a new Qiqong style to improve my breathing...Thanks, Dino.

Yes, I will definitely go to your Miso Doojyoo to enjoy the fresh air, and yes, when I am better, let's sit down together and design a peaceful and serene retreat for wellbeing at the Doojyoo!

A few days before my mega-breathlessness episode, Dino brought a Buddhist Reverent to my house. Rev. Sayadaw is a monk from Myanmar who comes often to Malaysia to teach Vipassana meditation. He is based mostly in Subang Jaya Meditation Centre.He came to bless me and my family. We talked for awhile before he start the ceremony.

He led me, my family and Dino and his friends in a Metta chant. After the chant, I perform a dana (an act of giving with generosity; a meritorious act, especially dana to a monk who is aspiring towards enlightenment). Food was prepared for lunch for everyone. Before the start of the lunch, I symbolically offered the dishes to Rev. Sayadaw. I held the plate up slightly and Rev. Sayaday would touch it lightly.

After that, Rev. Sayadaw ate his lunch, followed by the rest of us. I took this opportunity to eat some "normal" vegetarian food which is cooked in the "normal" way; unlike the saltless diet I am on..hehe...well, hey, the food has been blessed! And the lunch was prepared by Mr. Wong; what could be better?! Thanks to Dino for bringing Rev. Sayadaw to our home.

A few days ago, Mr Abraham, a friend of my sister’s, brought a very interesting visitor. This visitor was a high ranking minister in a one of the Malaysian states in the 1980s. I remember those tremulous times in that state. He is also a Qiqong master who learnt the art from his father. We talked about qiqong and lots of other interesting stuff.

He has helped some cancer patients recover with his diet and qiqong. He gave me some dietary advice to strengthen me before he can teach his qiqong and also to de-toxify me. I told him about the previous de-toxification which does not turned out to be too good for me. He said the previous one was too intensive and my body was not built up slowly to withstand the de-tox.

He said he will be here again in a month’s time to check my progress. Thanks to Mr Abraham who so kindly brought this very interesting visitor to our home. Mr Abraham himself is an interesting person; he is owner of an ostrich farm!

Thanks to all friends and relatives who bought gifts in anticipation of my China trip. Special Thanks to Uncle Victor who most of all gave the gift of understanding, in addition to the other "gift". :)

Even gifts of others prompted another to respond. My blog about the lip-sticked flag of Sweden touched the hearts of Stefán Gíslason and Christelle Le Tainturier. I have been thinking of both of you and just can't describe my feelings when I see your names in my in-box! :)

I remember the warm evenings I spent with the Gíslason family during the cold Svenska nights, and of course the unforgettable French gastronomical adventure of Christmas of 1999 with Christelle's extended family and my little sister Inga. The times we spent at IIIEE I will cherish always, and thanks for your kind words and thoughts. :)

Thank you, everyone. May all of you and your loved ones be well and happy.

emails gone...

..switched on my notebook today, and my email programme decided to make a fresh start; it asked me to re-configure it because it is totally clean; nothing...no records of any emails. Don't know what happened. All my emails are gone. All...

For those who have emailed to my private tm.net.my account, I would really appreciate if you could just email me so I can re-establish my address book. Those who have emailed to my gmail.com email account, there is no problem; your emails are safe :)

Blue and Yellow

What's blue, yellow with 13 lips of red all over and now hanging right beside my bed?

It is the flag of Sweden with 13 lipsticks marks from the 3rd batch of the IIIEE. :)

I got two gifts from my alumni. Soon Hun Yang has just returned from the alumni gathering in Lund, Sweden bearing the gifts; the flag and a book with messages from the alumni.

Thanks to all who penned your kind thoughts in the book.

To the owners of the lipmarks; Bahar, Bengt the Body, Andreas, Teodora, Carmen, Chris, Hanna, Wouter (I love wet ones), Harri, Maja, Henrik, Inga and Rasa......here's one big slobbering wet one from me.............MUAKS!!!!! :X* * * *

Today

Went to see Dr Yong today. Got the usual treatment plus some medication. The priority now is to get me strong again for any air travel. We talked about the brain radiotherapy and I get another perspective. I am feeling better. Breathing is still short if I over exert and my legs are still weak. But overall I am happy :)

I-friendly

I cringe everytime I see the phrase "environmental-friendly" in products or routinely proclaimed by people. I don't know, it seems to imply that we are doing the environment a favour. Hah, the environment is able to take what we throw at her. She can take care of herself. She has been here for billions of years and will still be here and evolve after we human are long gone.

Maybe "human-friendly" will bring a different perspective. When we thought we are protecting the environment, we are actually protecting ourselves. We are not doing anything or anyone else a favour; we are doing it for ourselves.

The harm we do to the environment comes back to us. In the long run, nature will able to adapt. It is us human who suffer from our own uncaring attitude. Dirty rivers, hazy air, poisonous agriculture products, bare trees, unmanaged rubbish...who cares if we humans don't complain?

When we try to conserve, preserve, protect, enhance and repair the damage done by fellow-humans, for whom do we actually try to do it for? It's for ourselves!

Nature will take the abuse, she doesn't care, she has adapted and will continue to adapt.

Maybe "human-friendly" is not personal enough...try using "I-friendly". :)

Happy World Environment Day (5 June)

Respect

Nature lovers? Not all, but many self-proclaimed "nature lovers" invade natural areas during the weekends or holidays. Insensitive & uneducated about ecology and ways of nature; these nature lovers, sometimes busloads of them, leaves rubbish, wears out trails, tramples plants, frightens wildlife because of "love".

I am no lover of nature. I just respect her. I respect her so much that I prefer to leave her alone. I leave her alone to do her job. I know she provides me with food, fresh air, abundant water and many more services which I need and may never understand.

I remember once a Minister said that we have to have roads up on our highlands so that we can go see and enjoy the view; if not it would be a waste because what is the use of nature if we can see it? Aiyoh!!!!! Respect her please, sir!!!

So, the next time you proclaim yourself a nature lover; do you know enough to really love? Maybe you can start with respect first?

Happy World Environment Day (5 June)

The Flat World

Where were you when the world became flat?

I am reading one of my favourite author's latest book; The Flat World. Just finished Chapter 1. Thomas L. Friedman is a genious in his ability to provide frameworks to understand the world. In this new book, he brings his latest view on an exciting new phase in globalisation. (http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/13.05/friedman.html)

He described the various era of globalisation; Globalisation 1.0 (1492-1800), started with Columbus's discovery of the New World which lead to beginning of global trade. The key agent of change in this era is how much muscle your country can muster over other nations. Globalisation 1.0 shrunk the world from size large to size medium.

Globalisation 2.0 (1800-2000) shrank the world from size medium to small. The key agent of change was multinational companies. Breakthroughs in hardware are the dynamic forces in this era; steamships, railroads, telephones to computers.

Now we are already in Globalisation 3.0 which has shrank the world from size small to tiny and flattening the playing field. If G1.0 was country globalising, G2.0 was companies globalising then G3.0 is individuals ability to collaborate and compete globally.

I guess you may have already sensed this. You as an individual already has the power to stay where you are and spread your influence and talent globally. I think we have not yet fully comprehend and has taken advantage of this new phase in human cooperation (for evil or good).

I can't wait to continue on this book. In the meantime, this is definitely exciting times ahead with so many unknowns and changes coming in the throes of a new era. Aren't you glad to be alive today, to be able to be part of this?

I am. :)

China trip postponed

Many friends and relatives have sent their regards about my originally planned 6th June China trip. Because of the recent episode of breathelessness, doctors have advised that I postpone the trip. So we will make the trip when I am stronger for the air travel.

Many thanks for the kind wishes...

Yes, please spread this far & wide!

A friend emailed to ask if she can share my blog with her friends.

Sure! Please do! This blog is in public domain! No permission needed!!!

If you feel the info I have posted is useful to others, do share. That's my intention. Many friends, including Dr Kana, have said that the info I posted is useful to cancer patients and their caregivers; I am really glad to be able to help.

So...please do share my blog with anyone who you think will benefit, and may you also benefit from your meritorious deed. :)

NCI Cancer Hospital (http://www.nci.com.my)

Saw the NCI doctors again. Had a discussion with Dr Kana and Dr Selva on next steps. We talked again about the brain radiotherapy (RT). It's either I continue on the steroid with its side-effects(and steroids is just to relieve symptoms and don't do much to the tumours) or do RT. I expressed my fears about the RT; especially the long term effects such as dementia. But at this moment, what is "long term" for me? And then it's not a given that any long term effects will show up.

After hearing their explaination about brain RT, some of my fears are alleviated. It is not an easy decision to make, but I have less fear now. And about the long term effects, well, maybe I should cross the bridge when the time comes.

The bottomline is - I just don't want to be alive only in the physical form but the mind is gone, I have seen dementia patients and always ask what's the point of all this? And the burden on the caregiver is horrendous...but then again, we won't know what will actually happen...it is better to focus on my quality of life NOW than worrying about the future. Que sera sera? :)

Anyway, we had a good discussion and some good laughs too.

Dr Selva was quite taken aback with my good progress with Iressa. He thought I was making it up..hehehe ;) But the Iressa is indeed helping and I am glad for it....it's the quality of life, people!

We talked further on Iressa, and Dr Kana explained more about the side effects...well..I can tolerate those cosmetic side effects if I can breathe well! Dr Kana also talked about the financial side effects and ...yes...we are well aware of that and its about time I earn some moolah! :)

...day by day, in everyway, I am getting better, better and better...

Wed 1 June
Woke up after the short sleep but felt much better. Looks like Iressa is doing its stuff. I would say Dr Yong's treatment is helping too, but I think conventional medication like Iressa works best and faster in cases in this. Well, it better be because it is costing a fortune!

Alternatively walked and wheeled outside. Now I am learning to adapt to the limited breathing space. Just a bit of distance each day, and stuff I used to do without breathing problem, now has to done in limited quantity first, just to test how far I can go.

Sat in the sunlight. It's been some time since my skin met the sun. Sat for awhile and read The Star.Some construction going on in front of house; bad fumes,walked back into the house. Felt good to have some sweat from the sunshine. Bathed and loofah-ed till the skin's red...uhhhhh...shiok nye!!!

Still a bit light-headed but can walk longer distance. I told Dr Yong over the phone about this, she prescribed some Chinese medication to alleviate, Mr Wong went out to get the medication. We talked about the China trip, and things are indeed looking very different from the initial plan.

Cousin Beo Tee and wife bought mom back from her overnite away. She is very cheerful. Thanks, cousin! :)

Had to have a short rest after conversing for sometime. But recovered faster now.

In the evening, Ling Ling called from Bonn. Thanks, Ling Ling. Hope your family recover fast from the illness, especially your kids. Lawa la anak anak you tu, pandai la orang tua dia orang campuk benih...kakaka! Thanks to you and family for the card, and please convey my thanks also to your sisters Claris, Yvonne and her husband Billy for their thoughtfulness.

Today did a new project. Since my quest for doctors, medication and treatment are narrowing at this moment in time. Ah Wei and I made a schedule of my food and medication schedule. Used my favourite method of Post-It notes on the whole door for my daily schedule. Only thing to fill up now is the Chinese medication. This schedule will help everyone in the family to assit me in keeping to my diet and medication.

Hokayyyy...it's 9pm now..will do some reading, reflection and meditation, (and no more brushing teeth from the bed..hah!)and let's see how well I can sleep tonite...

Tues 31 May
Feeling better.

Dr Foo Yuen Cheng, my ACS classmate, dropped by on his way to his clinic. Had a very useful but too short a discussion, because I get breathless if converse for too long a time. Thanks for the tips, Dr Foo :)

Mr Wong and I also discussed about the China trip. Some changes coming. Major ones. Realised that Mr Wong, Dr Yong, Yuen Fong and Dino hold daily discussion about my condition...wow...people, thank you for all your concern. Dr Yong could not come today but in touch with Mr Wong to check on my condition.

Felt better today. Bathed on my own. Saved energy by not walking all the time, long distance on a wheelchair. Can't sleep but not tired. Slept only for 3 hours. Not good. Night sweat getting lesser; Dr Yong has given herb to lessen these night sweats.

3rd Uncle, aunty and cousin Beo Tee and family came today. 3rd Aunty could not get down from the car because of her weak legs, and I can't walk to the car...sigh...I dearly want to meet 3rd Aunty. She is my favourite aunty for all the fun memories at their home in Tampin. When I was a small kid, I look forward to spend Chinese New Years at Grandpa's house.

3rd Aunty is the Chief Chef who cooks up a storm. Who can ever forget all the scrumptious food? And her CNY cookies and cakes have no parallel. My favourite is her keropok...no plain keropok (prawn crackers) from her..uh huh..her tasty fragrant keropok are whirlpool-styled coloured in various hues. Her kuih koci and other nyonya and Chinese cookies were never in short supply.

Our family will order several tins of her goodies to take back home for our visitors and also for ourselves; and I always eye visitors with anxiety each time they crunch on 3rd Aunty's keropok. Each keropok they consume is one less for me...hehehe :)

Of course, nothing can take away the joyful memories of waking up in Grandpa's house to the smell of burning firewood and fresh local kopi in the kitchen; the sight of fruit trees and the sound of quacking ducks and squawking chickens (the smell of fresh free-range poultry's "stuff" do has its charm too ;)...really), and the anticipation of daytime fun,food, angpows and nightime orgy of more fun, firecrackers and more angpows.

I remember once I made a Duck Disneyland at Grandpa's house. I dug a little pond with slides, castles other fun structures (or so I thought) for the ducks. I then invited a family of mama duck and her ducklings to the Duck Disneyland. I personally carry the ducklings to slide into pond (er..actually a wooden plank into a shallow small sandy hole with muddy water).

I never figured out at that time why the little ducklings and their mom don't quite share my enthusiasm for this exclusive custom-built theme park. I was quite disappointed when this particular duck family waddle away in terror everytime they see me again.

I wish 3rd Aunty well in her coming surgery, and hope to see you again.

Beo Tee was here to fetch Mom to Putrajaya for Dad's pension transfer processing. The process took a long time and she went on to stay with cousin Beo Key in KL to make a return trip to Putrajaya tomorrow. Good turn of events, 3rd Uncle family took mom for outings which she has not done for a long time.

Beo Key's wife bought mom a new dress. Mom went to 2 shopping malls...boy was she overjoyed. Of course she is also able to spend time with her 3rd brother and wife catching up with old times. Thanks to all...

Mon 30 May
4th Iressa. Weak in the morning, but progressively better by evening; total opposite from yesterday where morning was good but downhill by evening. Felt like emerging from the abyss.

Dino came in the afternoon with 3 assistants and a friend; Jess. Met Jess when she was working with Gurmit. She will be going to the Tao Centre too. Talked with Dino for awhile. But got tired quickly again. Dr Yong could not come today.

Got very much better by evening. Had slight diarrhea, was purging every hour by late night, I was thinking; "Oh damn, don't let me have this when things are getting better!" By midnite, sent nephew Ah Wei out to 7-11 to get Poh Chai Yuen the good old Chinese pills for diarrhea. As soon I saw the pills, the diarrhea stopped. Talk about natural healing...hahaha.

Sun 29 May
Took 3rd Iressa. Felt better. Walked to front door did Qiqong. Like hero walked back and forth the house. Amboi, eksyen nye! But weakening by noon.

Mrs McCoy came in the afternoon. Such a joy to meet you again...thanks. But I can't talk much because I was very tired.

Late afternoon walked just a few paces and breathlessness hit. Ms Thong came and called out "Hej, leng chai("handsome" in the Cantonese dialect)!" but all she see is a sweating profusely definitely-not-leng-chai gasping for breath on the bed. Sis and mom beside me holding my hands.

The supplied oxygen took some time to take effect because its my lungs that's refusing to cooperate. Recovered after a while. A puddle of sweat from the breathing effort. I stink..yup..I really do...My sis wiped and cleaned my up. My sis did not attend the Organic Exhibition. Sorry, sis.

Mr Wong & Dr Yong came in the evening. Did meridien massage and Qi. No acupucture. Too weak for that. Dr Yong agree with NCI about postponing China trip. She also advised to go slow and conserve energy.

Sat 28 May
Very weak. Gasping for air most of time but was glad for Mom, sis, Mariam, Dr Yong and the oxygen supply. Took the 2nd Iressa.

Staff Nurse Mariam, one of my sister's best friends came to take care of me. It's because my sis wants to visit an Jabatan Pertanian's organic produce exhibition; to build her business contacts. But my condition kept her in the house till evening, so she abandoned her plans, maybe tomorrow...

Mariam is a very good nurse. She did all the tender stuff you expect from a good nurse and heavy stuff like helping me get up from the bed. Thanks, Mariam for your TLC.

Gawd, I hate it when every single exertion brings about breathlessness. Things that you took for granted has now to be planned and strategised. I am resting most of the time, can't exert myself too much. Even brushing teeth is a nightmare; can't brush the lower teeth before breathless hits and have to rush back to my bed for the oxygen supply.

Have to brush teeth from the bed with a mug and bucket, just to save from exerting myself by walking to the sink. Now I realise when you open your mouth for the brushing, your breathing lessen a bit, naturally of course but you will never notice this if you are healthy. Oh, for the joy of NOT noticing your body!

Dr Kana called my sis. Advised to postpone China trip. Thinks I am too weak for air travel.

Mr Wong & Dr Yong came in the evening. Did acupuncture meridien massage & Qi; immediate relief. Can she stay on...like on & on?

Fri 27 May
Saw Dr Kana & Dr Selva at NCI Cancer Hospital. See previous blog. Went there with oxygen tank in the car as I was on it all the way there and back. Went home and our oxygen tank went kaput at home. Luckily Dr Selva has mentioned that NCI do provide oxygen apparatus.

Called NCI to arrange the rental of their oxygen supply apparatus. Sis and Mr Wong only found time to to there late at night, and only came back past midnight with the new apparatus. Thank you so much both of you for such effort, and NCI for providing such a service so late at nite! I like this hospital,man.

This is a new oxygen supply thingy; not a tank but a machine that takes surrounding air and concentrate the oxygen. Good invention and cheaper in the long run.

During my 4-hour check-up at NCI, sis called Dr Yong if she could come down from Cheras to see me in Seremban. She agreed and arrived in the afternoon. She came to check on me and did the routine acupuncture and Qi.

Thurs 28 May
The Mega-Breathlessness hits.