Peace
I was in two minds to blog this. It will be a blog about someone else's suffering, but I figured since I may go down the same path, I will blog it. I hope Ms K will be ok with this.
Yesterday, Ms K replied to my sms. She is still on assisted-breathing via oxygen tank, and unable to walk nor stand. I had the "pleasure" of such debilitation in March. Lack of oxygen really shuts your system down. Slight physical exertion exhausted me.
She said her condition now is like one of our compatriot during his final days, before he too succumbed to lung cancer.
The last line in her sms is: "Stay well dear friend".
Suddenly I was enveloped by a sense of overwhelming loneliness and sorrow.
Ms K has been the anchor of our small network of lung cancer patients. We see our number dwindling as a few passed away. Ms K and I kept in touch via email, sms and phone calls; both encouraging each other. I still remember her cheerful encouragement to me when I contemplated chemo, which she has gone thru.
Yes, she is still alive. But both of us know the end is near for her. Unless a miracle happens, we know another phase is opening.
Both of us have discussed our eventual demise. Both of us are at peace with death, it is just the thought about process of dying that is uncomfortable.
How will we die? I asked this question to one of my doctors. He said there are many ways we lung cancer patients go; one is metastasis to the liver where there will be liver failure and toxins just accumulate in our body. This will knock us into coma and eventual death.
Another is metastasis to the brain where again there will be coma, a series of comas even when we drift in and out of the coma and eventually die. I told the doctor I prefer the 2nd option as I drift slowly into a series of comas and then a full stop...haha!
Indeed, a few nights ago, while lying on my bed, I imagined the ideal death will be like a house at night; we can see from the windows as the lights were shut one-by-one when the occupants retire for the night; a slow gentle system shut down.
The doctors have done what they can for Ms K. I wish Ms K peace come what may, and a peaceful transition when that phase of her life comes...
Yesterday, Ms K replied to my sms. She is still on assisted-breathing via oxygen tank, and unable to walk nor stand. I had the "pleasure" of such debilitation in March. Lack of oxygen really shuts your system down. Slight physical exertion exhausted me.
She said her condition now is like one of our compatriot during his final days, before he too succumbed to lung cancer.
The last line in her sms is: "Stay well dear friend".
Suddenly I was enveloped by a sense of overwhelming loneliness and sorrow.
Ms K has been the anchor of our small network of lung cancer patients. We see our number dwindling as a few passed away. Ms K and I kept in touch via email, sms and phone calls; both encouraging each other. I still remember her cheerful encouragement to me when I contemplated chemo, which she has gone thru.
Yes, she is still alive. But both of us know the end is near for her. Unless a miracle happens, we know another phase is opening.
Both of us have discussed our eventual demise. Both of us are at peace with death, it is just the thought about process of dying that is uncomfortable.
How will we die? I asked this question to one of my doctors. He said there are many ways we lung cancer patients go; one is metastasis to the liver where there will be liver failure and toxins just accumulate in our body. This will knock us into coma and eventual death.
Another is metastasis to the brain where again there will be coma, a series of comas even when we drift in and out of the coma and eventually die. I told the doctor I prefer the 2nd option as I drift slowly into a series of comas and then a full stop...haha!
Indeed, a few nights ago, while lying on my bed, I imagined the ideal death will be like a house at night; we can see from the windows as the lights were shut one-by-one when the occupants retire for the night; a slow gentle system shut down.
The doctors have done what they can for Ms K. I wish Ms K peace come what may, and a peaceful transition when that phase of her life comes...
posted by Hee Boon at 5:01 pm
1 Comments:
I join you in prayer for the well-being of your friend, Ms. K, come what may.
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