Taking a break
My blogging kind of slowed down lately. Well, there is no lofty aspirations like Carpe Diem when you are bed bound most of the time. Another reason I don't blog often is I prefer not to turn this into a blog to announce which ache at which part of my body.
If you want to know, I have an ache that's strolling throughout my body; one day it attacks my shoulders, another day it attacks my waist. Sort of strolling around my body. Most of the time it is painful to stand and sit without back support, so that's why I prefer to lie down.
Coughing comes occasionally when my throat is dry, and the position of my body is not right.
Another disturbing development is a growing numbness in my right hand. The underarm of the right hand is numb including the ring and little finger.
I have not adjusted my mind yet to this new physical reality. Have not adjusted to being productive in this state. Most of the time, I lie and try to adjust to the most comfortable position.
Appetite's gone too. Don't enjoy home cooked food. But I do think of all the outside food; all the time. Hej, that's how I occupied my mind nowadays! Maybe I am not used to my sister's & maid's cooking. I wish I am up and able to cook on my own.
Sleeping is disturbed at night as I adjust many times to more comfortable positions.
Thinking about Ms K's condition also does not help. Sometimes I want to end all this debilitating state. What is the use of lying down all the time; being useless and unmotivated. Yes, I have blogged about Carpe Diem but it is not what I want to do now...
That's another reason for the long interval in blogging. My motivation is not what I would like it to be. I don't feel good blogging about my low motivation. But then this is what and how I feel now. It is the reality in my journey.
Perhaps I am just tired of trying to be strong. Maybe the effort is just too much. Maybe I just want to just let go. A break...
If you want to know, I have an ache that's strolling throughout my body; one day it attacks my shoulders, another day it attacks my waist. Sort of strolling around my body. Most of the time it is painful to stand and sit without back support, so that's why I prefer to lie down.
Coughing comes occasionally when my throat is dry, and the position of my body is not right.
Another disturbing development is a growing numbness in my right hand. The underarm of the right hand is numb including the ring and little finger.
I have not adjusted my mind yet to this new physical reality. Have not adjusted to being productive in this state. Most of the time, I lie and try to adjust to the most comfortable position.
Appetite's gone too. Don't enjoy home cooked food. But I do think of all the outside food; all the time. Hej, that's how I occupied my mind nowadays! Maybe I am not used to my sister's & maid's cooking. I wish I am up and able to cook on my own.
Sleeping is disturbed at night as I adjust many times to more comfortable positions.
Thinking about Ms K's condition also does not help. Sometimes I want to end all this debilitating state. What is the use of lying down all the time; being useless and unmotivated. Yes, I have blogged about Carpe Diem but it is not what I want to do now...
That's another reason for the long interval in blogging. My motivation is not what I would like it to be. I don't feel good blogging about my low motivation. But then this is what and how I feel now. It is the reality in my journey.
Perhaps I am just tired of trying to be strong. Maybe the effort is just too much. Maybe I just want to just let go. A break...
posted by Hee Boon at 11:01 pm
10 Comments:
Does watching TV help? Or listening to music? Would an Osim chair help? If you get to test-sit one and pronounce it to be a cancer-soothing chair, think...you could be the next Osim poster boy!
Sorry to hear you're in pain. And though I know it's just a TV series, House comes to mind. Don't know if you have Astro, but that man is so sexy even if he's a miserable misanthrope in pain.
I have been reading your blog for about a year now, never commenting, just a silent witness to your tribulations.
I was introduced to your blog by a Mr Jeffery Seow, and I have been reading your blog since.
Be strong, though, now it may sound a little contrite. There are many who are rooting for you, revel in every day that you breathe, though it may hurt...
For there are others, no matter how impossible it may seem at this moment, others who are worse off than you.
Just remember this, because the only thing that Man differs from all God's other creatures is free will.
To survive, to excel, to conquer.
Hello Hee Boon,
You've won yourself a new reader here, I've just watched the TV show Ku Mohon on Astro Ria like 10 minutes ago, and yes, it was about you :) I'd been waiting for this show for a while now since the first ad was on TV and indeed Ku Mohon is a show that our TV station needs nowadays.
Anyway, I am still amazed of how strong you are and very inspirational, I hope you will hold on and not giving up, I know it's easier said than done.... but just hold on... don't let go.
Hi Mr Hee,
Hari ini saya melihat sebuah rancangan di ASTRO RIA - Ku Mohon.. Oh man, saya merasa amat sedih dan terharu diatas apa yang you hadapi pada masa ini.. Apa yang saya dapat pesankan, tabah kan diri, bersabar selalu dan walaupun kita mempunyai agama yang berbeza, saya berdoa kepada Allah semoga you akan selamat dan dibawah lindungannya, Amin..
Mohamad Hilman
Brunei Darussalam
hilman.husain@mfa.gov.bn
mdhilman@yahoo.com
Hello Hee Boon,
I am a 20 yr old girl. I just watched Ku Mohon with my mom and sis and we feel deeply touched and amazed at your courage. Although we are of different religions I pray for you. What you said makes me look at life differently. I know it's hard but I love your smile.
Buat Mr Hee yang tabah, dan sentiasa akan tabah.
Saya telah menonton rancangan Ku Mohon yang memaparkan kisah hidup anda. Saya menangis- bukan kerana rasa simpati semata-mata terhadap anda- tetapi kerana kagum, memandang tinggi, dan menyanjung perjuangan anda dalam meneruskan kehidupan anda. Bagaimana anda dilihat mampu berfikir dgn positif, menerima ketentuan yang telah ditakdirkan oleh Tuhan kepada anda, saya fikir cukup utk membuatkan bukan sahaja pesakit kanser yang lain, malahan orang yang sihat lebih menghargai kehidupan mereka. Untuk pengetahuan Mr Hee, ayah saya juga disahkan menghidap penyakit kanser (Multiple Myeloma - blood type cancer) sejak February 2003. Ya, dia masih survive sehingga kini. Saya amat memahami kesakitan, dan penderitaan yang ditanggung oleh pesakit-pesakit kanser kerana saya sering menemani ayah menjalani rawatan di Hospital Kuala Lumpur. Muntah, loya, tidak berselera makan, letih, tidak selesa di tempat tidur, sakit-sakit badan dan tulang,ialah perkara yang sudah menjadi asam garam kepada pesakit kanser barangkali. Ya, sama seperti yang Mr Hee nyatakan di last entry, rasa kebas di jari kadangkala memang boleh berlaku. Ini kerana kekurangan darah dan kadangkala kerana masalah kepekatan darah yg berlaku pd tahap yang tinggi. Rajin-rajin lah memakan makanan yang membantu penghasilan darah dalam tubuh badan, contohnya bayam merah.Tenangkan fikiran,dan jangan berfikir perkara-perkara yang tidak perlu.Saya percaya, Mr Hee lebih tabah, lebih kuat, dan lebih berani daripada saya yang mungkin hanya pandai memberi nasihat ini.
Jika mengikut pandangan agama Islam, setiap 'ujian' atau 'cabaran' yang telah Tuhan berikan, adalah bersesuaian dengan kemampuan seseorang. Kadangkala kita rasa kita tidak berdaya menerimanya, tetapi Tuhan lebih mengetahui siapa yg tabah atau sesuai menanggungnya. Percayalah, Mr Hee sememangnya seorang yang tabah, kuat, dan cekal, dan mampu menerima 'cabaran' ini. Saya percaya dan mendoakan agar 'cabaran' ini akan berakhir dengan baik.
Kuat! Kuat! Kuat!
Sania
wacko_sunny@yahoo.com
Hi Bro Hee Boon,
i just watched 'Ku Mohon' just now. personally, i was marveled and awed by your astounding courage in going through all these pain. u looking at it as a blessing(extra bonus day),putting your life to d fullest and u view it positively. u r incredibly superb. and u know wut, u already won the war, Bro! be strong ya! may God be upon u always.. take care!
-Leevee(www.xanga.com/Li_V)-
Bro Hee Boon...
Watched Astro Ria last nite... Be strong...
Dear Bro Hee Boon,
I watched Ku Mohon last night and can't wait to read your blog and that is the first thing I do this morning.
I'm amazed with your positive look at this 'ujian'. You have indeed taught me to look at life differently. I cried throughout the show...
Thank you friend, you have changed my life with your story. I wish the best for you. And be strong... I'll pray for your wellness. Don't give up.
A friend,
YAN
Hi Mr Hee Boon
I watch Ku Mohon last night...
meskipun kita mengamalkan kepercayaan anutan yang berbeza, saya memang tersentuh..anda amat tabah dan very positive in your way of life...
actually i just inform by a doctor that i have a womb cancer...so shock! but then, when i saw u last night...i shouldnt be sad. life is too short...like u said, everyday is a bonus when u woke up, boleh dengar bunyi burung n etc...
ok, thanks for the spirit...
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