Distance Healing

Reiki master Jeffery Seow, in addition to personal Reiki, has taken a digital photo of me. He sent this photo to his network of Reiki for distance Reiki! Although that photo of me while in the hospital didn't show my best side, guess it is the reality. :)

Kian Foh has also placed my name for a Buddhist group blessing service. So another distance healing/blessing.

All this in addition to what Ling Ling has told me. Not forgetting friends from all over the world who said they have me in their prayers. Wow, thank you all, folks!

Prayers from Germany

I received an incredible voice message from Bonn today. It's from Ling Ling, a Malaysian residing in Bonn. She told me word has been sent out to churches in Germany to pray for me, she also mentioned that some churches and her family in Malaysia are doing the same. What can I say? To say I am touched is an understatement. I am overwhelmed by efforts from friends to help me heal. Thanks, Ling Ling...I can't describe the feelings when you say your little kids are praying for me too. I won't even dare to be de-motivated when so many others are rooting for me. Terima Kasih, Ling Ling...

My email

has Some have asked for my email; here it is :)

heeboon[at]gmail[dot]com

Good Samaritans

Last nite Mr Wong and wife came with some birthday dish. They prepared some organic pitta for my birthday. They are proprieter of an organic produce shop but they are not your typical shopkeeper. They came with no charge to prepare Hakka HamCha (Hakka Salty soup) which they said is good to stop coughing. They also offered to bring me to a quiet peaceful jungle retreat, and to arrange for a diagnosis in one new diagnosis machine. Bless people like them!!!

Actually my mom's Chinese calender birthday is the same as my Western calender birthday; 30 March. So both of us had a joint birthday celebration.

Qi Qung

Woke up today with excrutiating pain in the neck and upper shoulder region. Damn, the C6 vertebra is acting up.

After a light breakfast, my sis and Lilian bought me to Seremban Lake Gardens. I joined a group of Qui Lin Qi Qung practitioners for the Walking Qi Qung. Talked with Mr Lee who is the SeeFoo(Master) of the group. He gave me some advice on cancer treatment and how to gradually step up my practice. I have learnt this Qui Lin QI Qung which is specifally practiced to ward off cancer and to overcome it. Ya..ya..I learnt it last year but didnt really practice. Now my life may depend on it. Just do it! :)

Came back and pain on neck & shoulder became unbearable. I tried not to take painkillers but the pain is too much. So took one; feel much better now.

Prepared the Argentinian medical report for Mariam to submit to the hospital. My doctor agreed to prepare a medical report to link my Ag experience with the final cancer diagnosis here. This is for my insurance claim.

Some friends called me on my handphone...sorry if I didnt answer; I am coughing and in pain..please excuse me...

Look! The Pain!! The Pain!!!

How does a cancer patient feels? I cant speak for others, so
I will just tell you my experience.

It started with a deep muscle ache on my left shoulder. This goes away to be replaced by persistent dry cough. No pain. Then when the pericardium effusion (pericardium is the sac surrounding the heart) becomes big, I have difficulty breathing and fatique. The heart was trying its darnest to pump! If the fluid are not drained, cardiac arrest could occur. The drainage is done by poking a rubber tube from your chest into the pericardium. Then a syringe is attached to the external end of the tube to suck out the fluid. Very pleasant indeed.

When the 2nd attack occur, I had neck and shoulder pain. Not too bad, tolerable. Persistent dry cough continues. The throat are just so itchy that only coughing could relieve it. I am also having night sweat.

Now, after the heart surgery, of course there is pain at the point of insertion, and also pain where they have poked a tube to drain the fluid(which has since been removed). The surgery opened a small 2cm window at the pericardium so that the fluid wont accumulate there but will drain directly into the pleural of the right lung. The effusion may still happen but draining or tapping the lung is easier than the heart. The lung capacity is higher too. Yea, like that is any consolation! :P

The neck pain is still there; may be due to the C6 ventral (spine bone at the neck). After the surgery, the pain vanished, I thought "hallelujah!!! the herbs worked!!!". Actually I was on painkillers then!!! Now I am off the pain killers, the pain has come back...drats!

The pain is tolerable, but makes me reluctant to get up from prone position. Good thing my sis has bought an automatic inclinable hospital bed. So I dont have to stress my neck too much.

After the surgery, phelgm seems to collect at the end of the thorax, so it really irritates if not coughed out. Man, I am like coughing my insides out. But it only comes occasionally.

Another symptom is numbness in my last and forth fingers after sleeping. Can't feel anything at all; as if those fingers don't exist. Some nerve must have been pressed while sleeping. Sometimes on one hand, sometimes both. It goes away as I move around.

So, there you are: pain at the neck, shoulder, incision point, drainage point, whooping cough, night sweat which keeps me awake and numb fingers.

The People

I would not have been able to embark on this adventure without the support of many people. Some are my family members, some old friends and some newly minted friends. For the new friends, somehow serendipidity guided our paths to cross.

Let me pay tribute to the people who have supported me in these early days:

My mom: Mdm Gan- She has seen her own mother passed away on 26 Dec 2004, and her husband passed away on 7 Feb 2005, before seeing me warded the week after; 18 Feb. She herself had a by-pass last year. And now when she need care the most, she has to take care of me. Once when I was in the hospital, which is located on top of a small hill, she carried my lunch and walked from the foot of the hill to my ward. I broke down when I knew about this. How can I subject my mom to this?

My sister: Vivien - She is our family's primary caregiver. She took care of grandma, my dad and mom since 2002 when the old folks fell sick together. Just when I thought I can give a vacation, she has to take care of me. Dear sis, you are my hero!

My bro-in-law - He took time off his business to ferry the old folks around, and now me. A cheerful man who is totally selfless. He is indeed the man of the house now.

My cousins and relatives who came to visit me, and encourages me.

Lilian - My sis's friend since primary school. Took time off now and then to help my sis.

Jum - Our maid who goes around her tasks with calmness and dedication.

Victor - my uncle who has helped us financially. It lifts the financial burden off our shoulders.

Datuk Dr McCoy and Mrs McCoy - Friends who helped me get proper medical advice,and a great moral support.

Mr & Mrs Lee Kiyau Loo - My friends who supported me all along, and visited me everyday when I was at IJN.

Yoke Ling, Datuk Thana, Mr Cheah, Dr Saradha, Jane, Gloria, Marianna - who helped me during my hospitalisation in Argentina, and subsequently ensuring my medical records are sent to me in Malaysia.

Mr Gurmit and Siew - One of the first few who visited me in Argentina. Thanks to Siew for her concern and food preparation. Thanks to them who organised ORGANIC WATCH 05 where my sis knew about Prof Chris's set-up.

Ms Pang - my erstwhile insurance agent who is a model insurance agent!!! Even helping me with my other insurance claims which were not bought from her!!! :)

Mr & Mrs Wong - Proprieter of an organic produce shop in Seremban. Generously came to our house to teach us cook dishes which is good to overcome cancer. They are also putting me in touch with people and healers who can help me.

Yii Tan - contacted someone to give me advice on chemo and radiotherapy. Thanks, Yii Tan, your other offer was much appreciated too...

Jenny and Dr Cecilia - my neighbours in PJ who put away my mails and upkeep my garden eversince I was hospitalised. Many thanks! :)

Connie - A friend of my sis who comes often to help me.

Pakiam - A tenant at my sis's house who is like part of the family.

Mariam - a family friend who have helped my family during our hospital stay.

Khadijah, Farah, Venicia of the CA Care team who share much more than mere herbs! :)

Jeffery Seow - who came to Reiki me without any charge. A totally sincere healing effort. Thanks, Jeffery.

Seow - A friend of my sis who came to see me at my hospital bed. Paralysed from the chest down and voluntarily amputated both his legs for easier mobility. He drives and visits the hospital ward to talk to patients. An inspiring man. More details to come in a blog dedicated to him.

Simon Wong and his mom- my long time friend who accompanied me to CA Care (altho he got distracted by a pretty attendant there..haha). His mom helped my family to locate someone who plants and sells rodent tuber (a kind of anti cancer herb).

Natalie Shobana Ambrose who called me nearly everyday. :)

Yoke Mun my IIIEE alumni who bought me organic vege.
Kian Foh my IIIEE alumni who bought me books and Dhamma. Sadhu! Sadhu! Sadhu! :)

Cheah Jiun Wen who showed up liberally to give moral support. Thanks, Cheah.

My ACSOCA friends who turned up in force to support me when they heard about my situation. I was very touched to see some of whom I have not met for like 20 odd years; John, Fong, Kah Cheng, Dr Foo, Tan KK, Dr David Teh, Cheah, Simon Wong. Your messages always give me encouragement. UPM friends like Heng, Chee Onn and Khai Boon who came to visit me.

Other friends who came to see me in the early days; Raja, Yii Tan, Kisho, Seng Kiat, Dr Phang, Sham, Soo Chin, Charles Tan and wife.

Nithi & Andrew who walked for miles; twice, to see me when I was hospitalised in Argentina. Attractions along the route alleviated their suffering...ahem..ahem... ;)

And other friends who encouraged me with gifts, emails, calls and sms especially the CDM team at PTM. Thanks, people. I can never be grateful enough for your thoughts and encouragement. As I blog, floods of good wishes are streaming from my colleagues from UNFCCC and IIIEE alumni. Thanks, folks. May you be well & happy!!! :)

My therapies

Based on my present knowledge, and with the agreement of my doctors, I am putting off chemo and radiotherapy until I am confident about handling the side effects. I have seen an oncologist and will see another one before I decide on wheter to take on chemo and radiotherapy.

Currently I am on several therapies:

1. Herbal therapy of CA Care (www.cacare.com). Dr Chris Teo who was a Botany Prof at USM has researched on anti-cancer herbs. There are several CA Care centre and I go to the one in Subang Jaya.

2. Diet - strictly organic vege diet; no salt, no sugar. Also supplements to maintain my body.

3. Qi Qung - I am practising Qui Lin Qi Qung; a walking style Qi Qong which is specifically for its anti-cancer properties.Also Chi Dynamics style of Qi Qung.

4. Meditation

5. Reiki- for a few days while I was at IJN. Jeffery Seow came to Reiki me.

6. Emotional healing - Next week will do a regressive therapy to find past hurts which may have affected my health. Will report next Tuesday :)

Let's see how these therapies which target the whole body will affect my recovery. I am concentrating on all these "alternative" therapies because I am attuned to their concept. To overcome cancer, our immune systems will be strenthened so that healing will be done within. In contrast to chemo and radiotherapy, your immune system will be affected, when you need it the most. But I must admit there are some people who have very good response to chemo and radio. But my doctors has said because my cancer is so widespread, and not knowing for sure which is the primary site, those traditional medical therapy may not be useful.

Spiritual dimension

I think of myself more of a spiritual person rather than a religious one. Somehow I think sprituality unites while religions divides. I have many kind people who came to see me; wanting to share their religion and spiritual salvation with me. I am open to all these :)

"When man is ill, he can seek any God, God won't mind"
"The spirit is the number one medicine"
These are the 2 most memorable phrases uttered by a Muslim guru when I consulted him about my condition. He is the bro-in-law of the assistant at CA Care. He goes into trance and you can query him about your problems. He grabbed my hands, and assured my in a nonchalent way that I will overcome this problem and live. Forgot to ask him..yes, live but how? Its quality of life
we are after! He gave me small lemons (limau kasturi) for bathing and placing at 4 corners of the house. He also blessed a bottle of honey which I need to take every morning. He also gave me an amulet filled with fragrant jasmine oil. I think it is more symbolic because everytime I need some assurance, the feel of the metal amulet boosted my confidence. I am supposed to see him after 21 days with 11 different types of flowers. Let's see what interesting stuff he has up his sleeve.

Soka Gakkai
"Nam Myoho renge Kyo". That's the phrase Soka Gakkai members chant. A group senior SK ladies came to see me,taught me the chant, and said they will get the SK Young Men chapter to be in touch with me...I told them I dont want no Young Men Chapter, send me the Young Ladies
Chapter instead!!!...haha..anyway, they dont hv a Young Ladies chapter ;) Loke of SK came later to tell me more about SK, and invited me for the chanting session every Thursday. I didnt make it because I was not feeling well. Anyway, I did give the chant a try. SK is another facet of Buddhist teaching. I was quite uncomfortable when they mentioned about "converting to their religion", I thought since I am already a Buddhist, why should I convert? Or convert to what? Anyway, didnt have time to explore this much. But if it works for them, and they sincerely want to share what works for them with me, I am most happy to listen.

Christianity
My cousin sister held my hand when I was at IJN and prayed for me; calling upon Jesus to heal me. I am touched by her kind gesture. She also left some healing testimonial CDs for me. Connie also came to share Jesus's healing messages with me, and said she will be most happy to come anytime to share. Dr Donald Chen emailed me some verses from the Bible. And my UNFCCC
friend Seth Osafo guided me to some Psalms which will help me. Thank you to all.

Buddhist teaching
My cousin Ah Tee sent some Buddhist books. And Kian Foh came to talk about Dhamma. Actually I have more affinity to the chant phrase "Namo Tasa Bagavatto Arahatto Samma Sambuddhasa" than the SK's. I guess I am familiar with this chant since my varsity days. I chanted this while they were preparing me for the operating theatre. The anesthetician told me to chant whatever chant of my religious belief when he was sedating me. Namo tasa is the one which came naturally to me.

My fellow patients

My 4 weeks in 2 hospitals put me in contact with many interesting people; my fellow patients.(all male because I was in the male ward). Here are some memorable ones, all described as I see them and not intended to make fun of anyone :)

Mr Long Nails - He was bought in a near-comatose state with wide unblinking eyes. It seems like he stays alone, his only contact with the outside world is his wife who lives separately and only brings him food. I think he has dementia because of his neglected appearance; his toe nails curl around like 5cm, long unkept beard and dry dull skin. Anyway, after a period of drip, he came out of his comatose state. His wife dont seem to care too much for him, prefering to sit with her back facing him.

Mr. No-drink-plain-water - He had a mild stroke which the doctor said is a "warning stroke". This guy really got strong constituent. His wife complained to everyone that he doesn't drink plain water; only drinks flavoured fluid, chain smoke, can finish a bottle of XO at one go all by himself and a total anti-vegetarian. He looks like in his late 60s and apparently his genetic make-up is serving him well! He was up and away after a few days, to the amazement of the doctor.

Mr 10-kids - Isnt it great to have lots of kids to take turns to look after you when u are ill? One of the daughters seem to take a liking to me even in my present depleted condition :)

Mr Come-visit-me - He spends his time calling his friends to inform them that he is in the hospital; asking them to visit him. Kind of sad, eh?

Mr M - my room mate in one of the ward, we shared some personal issues. He seems to be relieved to know that he is not the only guy to cry over his medical problem. I assured him I did :) On top of his medical problems, he have lots of other personal issues burdening him. I feel for him.

Mr Leave-me-alone - The flipside of having lots of relatives visiting you is having lots of unsolicited well-intentioned advice given to you. He had a by-pass and had to endure streams of relatives telling him to do this, do that, should do this, shouldnt do that...should see how they instruct him during meal times....poor guy! I have no problem with his numerous relatives because there are lots of hot-looking babes doting over him, so I have some nice visual distraction ;)

Mr Strong and Brave - I thought I had it bad, but this guy got TWO tubes sticking from his back, one from each lung to drain the effusion away. I have difficulty sleeping because of the pain of just one tube from the side of my body, he has two from his BACK!

It's a wonder how he can lie down and sleep. It's not easy because I can hear him groaning most of the time. He got only one functioning lung but he still maintain a cheerful face, with his wife steadfast beside him all the time. This guy is an inspiration.

Greetings from Bonn :)

Received calls from Nattley and Grace. They are my dear former colleagues at the UNFCCC secretariat in Bonn, thanks for the encouraging words, dears....my... how I miss those days at the Haus Carstanjen...!!! :)

Thanks also to Richard and Marion who emailed me yesterday and reminded me about my birthday. Yup, a stay at the hospital certainly makes you forget about your birthday!!! Thanks for your kind wishes, friends. Good luck on your surgery today, Marion.

I must say my most memorable times has been working with the United Nations family at Bonn, Germany. Whenever I am down, all I have to do is to think of the fun we had at the secretariat. Thanks, MZC and RK for putting up such a wonderful team. Thank you, everyone, for the great time.. :)

Happy Birthday to me! :)

Happy Birthday to me! Yesterday I was discharged from the hospital after a surgery to relieve a symptom caused by cancer. This birthday symbolises the beginning of a new life; the life of a cancer patient.

I have spent 3 weeks first in the Seremban General Hospital, had a roller coaster experience where the doctors first suspected it was tuberculosis but finally confirmed its cancer. I was discharged for a week before the pericardium effusion came back, was warded and transfered to the National Heart Institute. Underwent a 7-hour surgery (hej, the doctor said its a simple 1.5 hrs surgery) to prevent my pericardium from flooding again.

The symptom first appeared in December while I was in Buenos Aires, Argentina. I thought I would have a great time at COP10 but turned out I spent 6 days in the hospital, and only 3 days proper at the COP10...and neither did I see any live tango show! ;)

A quick rundown on my situation; after the diagnosis confirmed it cancer, a CT scan on 7 March revealed how fast the cancer has spread; right lung nodule,subcranial node, possible right lung lymphangitis carcinomatosis and the most devastating for me; lesion at the C6 vertebra which can cause paralysis from the neck down. A biopsis done on the right lung nodule revealed it as adenocarcinoma (non-small cell cancer; a non-smoker lung cancer).

The doctor pronounced this as Stage Four (there is no Stage Five, people) and they don't give much hope for me. They wanted to tell me my projected life span but I stopped them. Who are they to predict my life??? PAH!!! :P

I have now passed the stage of self pity and anquish. Oh yes, I spent my time crying immediately after that diagnosis. Like with most cancer patient; I asked "why me?" Why a tree-hugging,people-friendly, dog-patting, baby-kissing nice guy like me got affiliated with such a nasty disease? hehe ;) ....I have no answer.

Starting today, I will blog my experience in striving to overcome this disease. I am not done with life yet. Hej, I am treating this part of life; something new which I have to maneuver safely out from. I will also blog a "retro" section to note significant experience before today. There has been many great and not so great experience, which I would like to be documented. I will also highlight all the wonderful people who rallied around me; encouraging and motivating me, bringing me stuff to cheer and inspire me.

Ok, friends. This will be the most memorable birthday for me. Thank you for visiting my blog and hope to see you again.