One Goal
After friends from MBCS left, Lim came. I have blogged extensively about Lim in my May blogs. Those were really confusing and challenging times for me and Lim was like my spiritual guide. His calmness and frequent visits to share what he knew and even what he recently found out gave me great solace and food for thought. I addressed him as Brother Lim as he is like a spiritual brother to me.
Today, he brought me a blue plastic sheet with Tibetan inscription of a mantra of the Medicine Buddha. He happened to meet a Tibetan monk, and requested him to inscribe two pieces of mantra; one for him and one for me. I am touched by Lim's thoughtfulness. The inscription is supposed to protect our health especially from harmful effects of electromagnetic field.
We also discussed about my current situation and state of mind. I told him about my apparent feeling of conflict about letting go, preparing for funeral and the gung-ho objective of triumphantly healing from the cancer. I admitted that it is not easy to balance this two.
Yes, I mentioned in a blog yesterday that I want to prepare to die so that my mind will be at ease to give 100% to heal. But is it really so? Will my energy be dissipated between this two and in the end neither would have satisfactory outcome?
There is an element of egoism and pride in wanting to heal. I don't want my friends to think I am giving up. I also want to be an example to others that even such an advanced cancer case like me can heal. I want to be a hero.
And I must admit, I still think of staying on this life because of the good stuff I have yet to savour and also to "re-enjoy" the things I love and used to love in this moment of time in this body. There are also the thoughts of the potential I can achieve if I were to heal and stay on and do the things that I am good at I (or so I thought). That's craving and clinging to this world.
Lim left me with some thoughts.
- Why think of letting go as giving up? Think of it as preparing to go to the next phase in your life. Concentrate on that. Maybe what you are destined to be or do in the re-birth is more useful and may be more needed & appreciated by even more beings. Focus on being at peace and to let go.
- Trying to divide between letting go and striving to repair the currently wrecked body may be too taxing. Just let go, if your time is to go now, you will go no matter what you or your doctors do, so go in peace, the stress of the struggle just robs whatever enjoyment you have left; if your time is not up yet, you will heal anyway.
Food for thoughts indeed. I think one grand Goal may be the route instead of trying to be many things to other people.
Now what is the One Goal I will have?
Today, he brought me a blue plastic sheet with Tibetan inscription of a mantra of the Medicine Buddha. He happened to meet a Tibetan monk, and requested him to inscribe two pieces of mantra; one for him and one for me. I am touched by Lim's thoughtfulness. The inscription is supposed to protect our health especially from harmful effects of electromagnetic field.
We also discussed about my current situation and state of mind. I told him about my apparent feeling of conflict about letting go, preparing for funeral and the gung-ho objective of triumphantly healing from the cancer. I admitted that it is not easy to balance this two.
Yes, I mentioned in a blog yesterday that I want to prepare to die so that my mind will be at ease to give 100% to heal. But is it really so? Will my energy be dissipated between this two and in the end neither would have satisfactory outcome?
There is an element of egoism and pride in wanting to heal. I don't want my friends to think I am giving up. I also want to be an example to others that even such an advanced cancer case like me can heal. I want to be a hero.
And I must admit, I still think of staying on this life because of the good stuff I have yet to savour and also to "re-enjoy" the things I love and used to love in this moment of time in this body. There are also the thoughts of the potential I can achieve if I were to heal and stay on and do the things that I am good at I (or so I thought). That's craving and clinging to this world.
Lim left me with some thoughts.
- Why think of letting go as giving up? Think of it as preparing to go to the next phase in your life. Concentrate on that. Maybe what you are destined to be or do in the re-birth is more useful and may be more needed & appreciated by even more beings. Focus on being at peace and to let go.
- Trying to divide between letting go and striving to repair the currently wrecked body may be too taxing. Just let go, if your time is to go now, you will go no matter what you or your doctors do, so go in peace, the stress of the struggle just robs whatever enjoyment you have left; if your time is not up yet, you will heal anyway.
Food for thoughts indeed. I think one grand Goal may be the route instead of trying to be many things to other people.
Now what is the One Goal I will have?
posted by Hee Boon at 6:34 pm
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