Preventive Medicine

Last Friday went to see a Medical Doctor specialising in Preventive Medicine; Dr Pang at Wellness Clinic in USJ. This is the kind of doctor you can go to when you are still healthy! :)
The tagline of her clinic is "Health is not an absence of disease but rather the state of well being of physical, mental, social and spiritual".

I am happy to find a doctor who believes that diet, nutrition and supplements are essential to good health. This is contrary to propaganda by some alternative or complementary medicine practicioners who gave the impression that the orthodox medical establishment is against nutrition as part of healthy lifestyle. Dr Pang is also familiar with my cancer and its medication and therapies. She knew Dr Selva my NCI oncologist; having met him once.

She looked at my scans and x-rays. I have also emailed her my history of therapies, diet and supplements. We also discussed about my other complementary therapies like qigung and Chinese medicine.

She is quite concerned that I am on Iressa only once every 2 days; saying that it is better to do a scan to know the status of the nodule; if it is still there it is better that I take it on alternate days if I can't take it everyday. Or if the nodule is gone, it is ok to stop Iressa. She also urged me to return to the recommended 2 tablets of Bonefos, which I am currently taking only once a day.

She gave me a list of recipe for healthier cooking. She also asked me to take a blood test, and to see her again the following week for recommendations after the test result is ready.

So today I saw Dr Pang again. We went thru the result. Of main concern is the low count of lymphocytes which is the natural killer cells. Our main objective is to raise the count of the NK. She also wants to monitor the count of phosphate (renal function), alkaline phosphate and GGT (liver function), red blood cells. All of which are below or above the normal range. Also of concern is my tumour marker reading which has increased by one ug/L since the last test in July.

She then proceeded to recommend supplements. We went thru my current supplements, discarding many and substituting them with cheaper but equally or more effective versions. She recommended many substitutes which can be bought "off-the-shelf" compared to more expensive versions which I bought from direct-selling distributors. Based on the test, she also said which supplement don't seem to improve my health. She is very familiar with different brands of supplements.

After that, she gave me a daily diet plan which included exercises. It is not that far off from my daily routine, so no surprises here. She asked me to continue my qigung. There are some adjustments like no mixing fruit and vege because of their different fermentation rate, and no kicap (soy sauce) because of their sugar content..boohoo! She also asked me to use my Norwalk juicer to blend my own peanut butter :) Yes, Norwalk is no ordinary juicer because it can do what many normal juicer can't do...haha! You should read the hardship we went thru to get it! But malas la...to use the juicer and to wash it later so many times... :P

Overall, I enjoyed my consultations with Dr Pang. We have good discussion about the various therapies, diet and supplements, and she is very frank in her recommendations. I am happy to have found her thru Ms K who introduced her to me. As a cancer patient, you get all sorts recommendations from well-intentioned friends and relatives, and also from books. At least here is medical doctor who can guide you, and it is up to you to decide whether to follow or not.

What I really like is her assertion that she only recommends stuff which have studies to back them up; any supplements with even good testimonials are not good enough unless confirmed by research and studies.

So here is the start of another phase in my adventure!

Reiki Step 2

Last Wednesday, went to Michael's again for Reiki Step 2. It is tag-lined "Reiki 2 - The Art of Distant Healing". This session teaches us some Reiki symbols to be outlined with our hands and 3rd eye chakra. We also need to be attuned by the Master to be able to go upwards in vibratory frequency.

There is a part where Michael bought out a stone figurine of a flowering plant. First I was asked to feel the energy surrounding it before outlining one of the symbol, and then after the outlining. I could not feel the energy on both counts. Neither can I feel it when we tested on a big crystaline. Michael did try to outline on my palm, which I felt some light heat as his fingers outlines the symbols.

Reiki 2 is also supposed to help us to send Reiki to someone else in the distance. I remembered when Jeffrey Siow, when I was at IJN in March, took a photo of me to be sent to his fellow Reiki practisioners. My photo was supposed to be their guide when they send Reiki's healing energy to me.

I had Reiki 1 & 2, and found it a very esoteric experience. I practise Reiki 1 everyday but yet to "feel" any unusual "activity". But the same with Qigung; don't feel any "energy" coursing thru me. But I persist, based on the testimonials of others and also my occasional feeling of "qi".

Harbin disaster

The city in China where I went for treatment in July; Harbin, is under threat from a river poisoned from a chemical plant explosion. Follow the link here for news at CNN.

Happy Eating

"Eat what makes your body smile. Stop eating while it still smiling." William Wittmann

I would like to share share an article written by Dr Alexandra Gayek in her e-newsletter which can be subscribed at http://www.scienceofbeingwell.net/

I have been through a lot in terms of diet since March. When I was first diagnosed with cancer, I become a total vegan overnight. Vegan are more strict then vegetarians because we don't take eggs either. I don't find it difficult; the switch was painless and easy. But my weight loss of nearly 20kg could be attributed to this sudden change, on top of surgeries, medication and of course the tumours themselves. They seem to be able to grab nutrients before normal cells do.

Not only was I a vegan, I also totally avoid sugar and salt. Some may not able to imagine what life would be like without these two condiments, but it's was ok with me. The natural taste of food is enhanced. I remembered friends and my oncologists are very worried with this seemingly "fanatical" change in diet. I told them I am not a wide-eyed food fundamentalist; I will change if this doesn't work. I started to take eggs in June at the urging of Dr Yong my Chinese physician.

Now, I have eased off the strict diet. It may have helped me initially, but now somehow I want to push the envelope; to see what happens. I am now taking the occasional fish and it product such as fish cake and yong tau foo. I also take the occasional chicken.

The recent Raya saw me taking lontong, ketupat with kuah kacang and Raya cookies at Mariam's open house. And I actually celebrated my final brain radiotherapy with my die-hard kakis Simon and Fong with banana leaf rice lunch at our favourite Indian restaurant; Bigreen Leaf in Seremban. I took chicken & fish curry and vegetarian dishes....Yum yum! :)

I have also taking outside food when I go to KL, of course choosing carefully the dishes. No fried stuff and red meat. Nothing too oily and cleanliness of the restaurant is important.

OK, let's move on to the article...

THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE IN EATING (It may not be what you think!)
By Alexandra Gayek, ND, Seattle, WA

"Don't tell my cardiologist," whispers my friend as he returns from the buffet line with a plate piled high with greasy onion rings and a big, juicy steak.

"You didn't see me eat that," he continues, as he makes his way through his third dish of ice cream.

Even when people don't know I'm a naturopathic doctor, I hear this kind of remark from someone almost every time I'm in a social situation involving food. When they know my profession, people often look at me as if I'm the "food police," judging their every bite.

I shudder to think of how true that used to be. But despite the fact that I'm not judging now, there's no doubt that THEY are judging their OWN every bite! You too?

Even now, I'm consistently told that the part about what to eat is surely the most difficult part of practicing The Science of Being Well.

It doesn't have to be.

You may be expecting the "inevitable" experience of overindulgence (or at least temptation of it) that is often
associated with the coming winter holidays. If, like me, you'll be celebrating Thanksgiving this week, your assumptions may be so ingrained that it may not have occurred to you to challenge that common expectation of gaining five uncomfortable pounds in a single day!

But a different experience is easily possible.

If you are finding yourself feeling guilty when you eat what you really want, and feeling deprived when you eat what you think you *should*, you've missed the most important point in practicing The Science of Being Well.

That point is to FEEL GOOD!

If you focus your attention on FEELING GOOD about every possible aspect of eating, instead of trying to perfectly follow any other rules about what to eat, when to eat, how much to eat, you will discover something very interesting. You'll likely wind up doing something very close to what Mr. Wattles teaches.

Think about it for a minute.

You joyfully anticipate your trip to the store or restaurant or home or your friend's house to get delicious food that you love and that you know will feel wonderful in your body. You are grateful that you can get what you want, smile at those involved in selling it or preparing it for you.

You thoroughly enjoy every single bite -- the taste, the feel in your mouth, the idea of it, where it came from, how satisfying it is in your belly.

When you finish your meal you feel perfect. It was just right. Hours later, you still feel good.

Here's a question for you: Does guilt feel good?

Not to me!

And another question: Does deprivation feel good?

Nope!

And a third question: Does it feel good to feel sick, disgusted, or regretful later about an earlier choice you made?

NO!

So if the only rule is to feel good all the time, there are two ways to go about it:

1. Don't do what feels bad:

- Don't eat stuff that makes you feel guilty now, or sick, disgusted, or regretful later.
- Don't avoid stuff you like if avoiding it makes you feel unhappy and deprived.

OR

2. Choose to feel good about what you do:

- Drop the feelings of guilt and deprivation and ENJOY every bite of what you have decided to eat.
- Forgive yourself IMMEDIATELY if you discover that what you enjoyed before doesn't feel good now. - Feel good about your new decision to do something different from now on.

Why is this so very important?

YOU ARE A CREATOR! That means you create the impact of your food on your body with your thoughts and feelings about it.

If you think while eating something that it will make you fat,you are giving your body that instruction. If you think while eating something that it is in any way bad for your health, you are giving that instruction to your body. This is true even if you are enjoying the taste of the food. The negative thought cancels the good feeling.

What about thinking something is good for you while you eat it,but simultaneously disliking it or resenting the fact that you have to eat it or can't eat something you'd prefer? The negative feeling cancels the positive thought.

What to aim for is a positive thought-positive feeling combination. Ask yourself this: what can I eat that makes me feel thoroughly good?

As you head toward any event involving eating, especially if your previous experience is that you tend to eat too much, or are unable to resist eating or drinking things that you later regret, try asking yourself that question in advance.

Allow yourself to remember the full physical experience of eating the perfect amount of something you love that feels completely wonderful to your body before, during, and after eating. Plant this image as what you want to experience.

You'll be amazed at what happens when you consciously replace previous negative images of indigestion, being over-full, being out of control or "unconscious" when you eat, or being at the mercy of the desires or influence of family members, friends, or advertising images with a very clear and powerful image of yourself feeling thoroughly good about your eating experience.

Whatever food-filled event is next for you, let celebrating abundance mean trusting enough in the infinite supply of good food in the universe that you can gratefully afford to have the perfect experience of "just right" every time.

Chidynamics

Went to a Chidynamics workshop on Sunday. This time I was well-prepared for the freezing KTM Komuter train. Had 3 layers of clothing on, and it helped too at the workshop venue which was helf in a hall at the Kelab Golf Subang. Malaysian commercial buildings and public transportation are well-known for their ridiculous autumn temperature settings...

I went there because Master Wee the founder of Chidynamcis will be there. I was hoping for a personal treatment from him but got a public personal treatment by Sifu Tan the Chidynamics Adviser instead. Details below...

Met Mdm C who is also a lung cancer sufferer whom I have exchanged experiences via the net. Nice to put a face to the emails!

Mr Kong the Chairman gave an introduction, and asked Khadijah to ask 3 person to give testimonial about Chidynamics. First was a makcik who practised qigung for some years,and is an instructor now. She suffered a stroke but was walking again the next day. It happened a few years back while learning Chidynamics. The 2nd was Jamal who had a cancer which affects the skin and affected the bones (not sure about the name of this cancer), he is "clean" for 7 years and attributed it to Chidynamics. The third person Khadijah called up was me. I was surprised because I was not informed.

Anyway, went up there and told my story. I told the audience that I am not sure in Chidynamics is the sole contributor to my relatively good health so far. But I told them that Chidynamics's qigung is the first thing I practised when I was diagnosed in March 2005, from my hospital bed. Even though I did not feel any "qi" back then, it helped me to keep my mind away from depressing thoughts and instead focused my mind on correct breathing.

The workshop is for beginners like the one I had in July. Master Wee gave some introduction and handed it over to Sifu Hew to teach the class. It was quite routine as I have done it all this while.

During the Q&A session, I asked Master Wee how much difference do get by guiding the chi rather than just concentrating on the breathing. He asked me to go to the front, and asked Sifu Tan to show me (and everyone) what will happen.

Sifu Tan qigung-ed me while I was sitting. At first I don't feel anything,which is not surprising because I am quite a Qi-insensitive person... :) Anyway, after awhile, I felt something pressing at the small of my back, I asked Sifu Tan if he is touching my back; which he was not. He tried to bring my qi to circulate from the small of my back along the spine. But the heavy feeling just stayed there.

Then my body started to sway. It a round-and-round circular swaying. I have experienced this before so it is not unusual for me. After awhile, after Sifu Tan was unable to unblock my meridiens at the chest area, the demostration ended and Master Wee asked me to share my experience.

So I told them the inner feelings I have. Also told them the few times I have feelings of "qi".

Sifu Tan later told me that was actually personal treatment arranged for me; albeit it is a public personal treatment! He asked me to contact him next time for another treatment session.

Reiki Step 1

Went to Michael's for Reiki Step 1 course. Took the Komuter train from Seremban to Subang Jaya. It was absolutely freezing in the cabin; that's common in commercial buildings and trains in Malaysia; I think they set it to 10-15 degrees celcius. Good thing I had extra layer of clothing plus a thick jacket, and a cap to cover my bald head...haha :)

Had wantan mee at Michael's sister's place before proceeding to his centre. I am the only student with Janet sitting in. Janet is also Michael's student but at Reiki Master's level.

He started off with how he get to know Reiki. Then going into the history and mechanics of Reiki. Reiki evolves a lot around the cosmic energy surronding us, and how good health means tapping into that energy. He uses a lot of examples of energy as defined by physics, and so the whiteboard is full of solenoid and electric circuit illustrations; you would have thought this is a physics class!

He tried to show the similarities between energy as defined in Reiki and orthodox physics. There are discussion about vibration in atoms and connection to vibration surrounding us.

He also talked about maintaining our body. Reiki recognises that there is a physical body and a etheric body. The physical body has the 6 major glands as the centres while the etheric body has 7 centres called chakras. Yes, we do physical exercises to maintain our physical self, but do we do, or do enough of "cosmic" exercises to maintain our etheric or cosmic self? Cosmic exercises include Reiki, qigong, meditation and yoga.

Reiki helps to enhance our intuition beyond the usual usage of the brain capacity. We then go into the different types of Reiki treatment; there are 5 types of Reiki treatments. The hands is the main conduit of cosmic energy due to its numerous meridians.

After the lessons, he and Janet did a Reiki treatment for me.

Took the train home again. Stopped at Mid-Valley Megamall. I thought of checking out MPH, but time does not permit; don't want to get caught in the office crowd, and my legs quite weak still.

I was really very tired after this whole day outing. Slept at 7pm, and woke up on-0ff throughout the night. This is usual when I am on steroid; it just messes up my sleeping times. Anyway, woke up at 5am, and did the qigung and Reiki. But is still feeling tired in the daytime. Not sure if this is remnants of the radiotherapy session or the trip. I remembered when I had radiotherapy to the spine, I had extreme lethargy a few weeks after the radiotherapies.

The Last Temptation

My oncologists have strongly urged me to not drive cars. They told me this in May, but I started to drive in July, and drove regularly in October. It ended when I had my 2nd seizure in end October. Abstaining from driving is for my own good, and other road users too!

It is very tempting to have a car in front of you and yet were asked not to drive; when the alternative is to depend on other people and public transport.

So I made the decision to sell my car.

My family still have the car my sister is driving, and my late dad's Datsun 120Y. My dad has kept this car running well but it was neglected when he passed away and I was down with cancer. It is currently being repaired, and when that's done, PUSPAKOM will ensure it's roadworthy. The Datsun can be used for travel within Seremban, while my sister's car for longer distance.

Selling my faithful car will take away the opportunity to drive....for now!

Ichi-nen-kimyo

On 9 Oct, I went to an interesting seminar/ceremony. It is a Ichi-Nen-Kimyo (INK) ceremony. This is how INK was explained in the organiser's form:
"God grant us human body & life to enable our soul to grow spritually. During INK, we give our body & life back to God to enable all our Karma to be saved. At the same time, our sould is uplifted to a higher level to enable us to save other souls. INK therefore gives you the ability to save all other souls and become the saviour of all souls."

The master is a Japanese called Master Akira Kawachi. The seminar opened with a horrible musical performance by the Master's wife and son on a Japanese koto. One of the pieces is a mutilated "Rasa Sayang, eh" which I could not recognise at all.

The next session opened with the MC and an interpreter telling an incredulous "testimony" by a departed person (I didn't get to asking about how the dead person sent the message), who is a student of the Master. The dead person arrived in paradise where all the gods were so excited that a student of the Master is in their midst, and was expecting some sermon. There are some details which I could not quite catch but the bottomline is the gods in paradise were in awe of Master Akira. Hmmm...

The next session is a talk by Master Akira himself. A pint-sized man, he has a pleasant smiling face and disposition. He speaks in Japanese and the MC interpreted his talk in Mandarin. I must confess my Mandarin is not that good, so I won't comment much. But from what I understand; he talked about being grateful, for things which we usually take for granted such as the good functioning of an automatic door which opens for us!

But basically I agree with his premise that we must be give gratitude and not just grumble when things go wrong. He also emphasised about giving merits instead of always asking for favours when we pray. That I like very much. Usually in prayers or offerings, many would ask favours from their God, and usually that's all they do. Why can't we share our merits?

After his talk, the next session is where Master Akira did some rituals to enable the audience to reach the "higher level". The session starts with the Master showing us how to do a proper prayer. It involves some praying steps like bowing and special hand positions.

Next, he starts the ritual to bring people up to a higher level; Ichi-Nen-Kimyo. Participants queued up, sit on a chair, nod vigouresly 3 times, Akira puts his thumb on the person's forehead and yells "Hait!". Done. You are upgraded!

While the INK was going on, I went to a sales booth at the back of the seminar room. They are selling books and....photos of the Master and his family, and key chains with his image. There is also a photo him at a beachside for sale. I find this really incredible...and so are the prices! The most expensive photo is RM80; a potrait of him and his family. Is there really a demand for this? And isn't this smacks of egoism?

The Master's teaching seems to be a mixture of Mahayana Buddhism and something else. Buddha certainly didn't talk about a creator God.

I didn't join in the INK because I think it was unnecessary. And after the sight of the photo & keychains, I lost interest in INK. I went off before the ceremony was over. Overall, a very memorable experience :)

Pasar Besar Seremban

Went to the Seremban wet market today to get some grocery, another first for me since I was afflicted with cancer. I have fond memories as a kid tagging along with my dad on Sundays for marketing. I am the porter who lugged all the weekly groceries back to the car.

I am getting some "normal" grocery. I am easing off on my previously strict "only" organic produce diet and have begun eating non-organic produce. There are some vegetables which I think have less pesticide or do not need pesticide and herbicide to be produced. But this I have to find out more. Also bought a few packets of vegetable seeds; planting some vegetables at home, so the "cleanliness" of the veges is guaranteed!

Reiki

My friend Eng Chai brought his Reiki master Michael to see me on Saturday. He checked me out, and said my energy level is ok considering my condition. I am impressed when he did an "energy check" on me, and asked if I have pain on the left side of my head, which is correct. He also said that there is energy blockage at the base of my head, which is also correct.

He did a chakra opening which involves scanning my body with his hands, and blowing hard towards me.

He taught me the Reiki 12-steps, 4 steps and 3 steps. I will go to his centre in Subang Jaya on Wednesday for my Reiki Step 1.

Michael also did an energy scan on my house's surroundings, my bedroom, and the crystal bracelets which Dr Yong and friends gave me. He re-charged the crystals, asked me to make a wish and locked it up in the crystals. My wish was the crystals would bless ALL my cells; cancer cells included.

I must confess I am a sceptic to all these, but at the same time open to new experiences! Michael discussed Reiki in a logical manner which is good. I first heard of Reiki way back in 1997. I was a student at the iiiee where one of my classmate's wife was learning Reiki. I thought it was quite esoteric back then. ummm...I still do!

When I had cancer, many friends advised me to learn or get Reiki healing. Many of these friends are not airy-fairy type of people; but hardnosed worldlywise men; I was intriqued by their enthusiasm with Reiki.

I had Reiki healing after my surgery in IJN; Jeffrey Siow is the Reiki practicioner who came to do healing for me. And back home in Seremban, a Mr Chong came to "reiki" me. When Jeffrey first reiki me, I felt grinding movement where he placed his hands above me (without touching me), but that was on the first session, there was no sensation after that. I don't feel any effect from Mr Chong's reiki administration. He said my meridians are blocked then...

Anyway, I will look forward to this Wednesday; it is also an excuse for me to go to KL!

...allow me...

One effect of radiotherapy to the head is hair loss. If you have watched those movies about victims of radioactive effect, they can grab and pull out clumps of their hair effortlessly!

That's happening to me. Hair was dropping like rain; hair is getting into my mouth, hair on my face, hair on my pillow...so instead of waiting for my hair to drop on me, I decided to drop them first. Joseph my hairdresser sportingly opened his shop at 8.30am to shave my head. He has to go somewhere else on Friday so gave this special early opening. I think that's the earliest time of the day I had a haircut!

...the valley ain't too deep...

When friends found out about my latest seizure, many have expressed anguish. I am touched by your concern. As I emerge from the fog and pain of the seizure, I saw my mom and the maid standing over me, I didn’t know what transpired before...that night, my knees were weak and the left sides of my head and neck ached.

...I was really very disappointed...

But immediately the day after and subsequent days, my recovery was speedy. I am quite surprised of this; unlike the previous time in May when I could hardly walk.

I would like to think that this is a setback but the slump is not too steep; making the climb up easier and faster. I would like to think of a upward climbing chart but with small valleys; things would get boring & tiring if you just climb all the time, eh...you need some valleys (small ones ok!) to have some variety...!

So many thanks again to all who were concerned with this latest setback; but despair not, yours truly is rebounding well ;)

Enlightenment…of sorts…

This latest episode of seizure gave me an insight. I am very delighted with this insight. Somehow, lying on the bed the first few days gave me pause. You know what I was thinking about?

Death and dying.

But it is not the macabre sort of thinking. In fact it was quite fun because suddenly I begin to see the light!

Yeah, the entrance fee is worth it

In the today's blog, I will try to share the insights I gained during those few days.

Preparing to Die a Good Death is Striving to Live the Good Life

Take it easy,ok. This topic may be morbid for some. I will hold your hand and try lead you gently down this path.

I am going to talk a lot about death today.

I may sound flippant. I may sound disrespectful. It may sound like the brain radiotherapy had short circuited my wiring..!

Tell you what, whenever you see the word “dying”, substitute it with “living”. We die and live at the same time everyday as our cells die and renew themselves.

I assure you I treat this topic with total respect and reverence.

So come on, let's go...

Facing Death

If you die and go to heaven; you got nothing to worry about. If you die and go to hell; you got even more reasons not to worry because all your friends will be there. Anonymous

When I was first diagnosed with cancer, and start reading about healing. I will come across advise on dying and death. I would avert my eyes or skip the pages.

I recall that Mr Lim gave me a Buddhist book on healing entitled "Preparing for death and helping the dying", I recall being quite upset, no, I was quite angry that a purportedly book on healing would emphasise on dying. Heck, I want to heal myself, not to think about dying and death!

Another book, which Kian Foh gave me after my surgery at IJN, is entitled “You can conquer cancer". The author Ian Gawler wrote a joyful chapter on death and dying. But I just quickly scanned thru it. Can't bear the thought of dying and death...

The Joy of Dying

Why do people fear death? Fear of the unknown? We cling on to our loved ones? Things we hadn't done? Many reasons.

But to live is to die, and it should be one of the most exciting ultimate milestone in this present life. Birth, Life and Death can be spoken in the same breath; but we usually only embrace life and avoid death. This won't do. You are not being fair to yourself. You are shortchanging yourself.You are not getting the complete & full experience of life!

Your dad's sperm died the moment it penetrated your mom's egg. Your mom's egg died too. They ceased to exist in the form they were. But...WOW!..did they transform into something great or what!...their deaths created you! Their lives joined to be you!

Would our own personal death be in that same glorious instant? I don't know. But I won't let the uncertainty deprive me from enjoying my death. It would be the ultimate adventure!

Dying the Conscious Death

I highly recommend Ian Gawler's book entitled "You can conquer cancer". Kian Foh gave me this book after my surgery in IJN in March. I re-visited this book a few days ago and gained new perspective. And I re-read the chapter on death and dying.

I just quickly scanned thru this chapter early in my healing process. I was very uncomfortable delving on death,and prefer to spend time on healing chapters! His chapter on death is a celebration of life, and dying the good death. Loved this chapter. He in turn recommended a book by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross entitled "On Death and Dying".

He talks about a conscious death. To die suddenly like in an accident and during sleep is a missed opportunity. He prefers to die consciously slipping gently into another realm, preferably with a smile.

...we go together...

I used to wonder why many Buddhists like to delve on death. Much more than other religions, I think. They talked about death in an almost nonchalent manner. Now I am beginning to see the light. Deaths are but milestones in our journey to Nirvana. We will have lots of births, lives, deaths in our journey; moving effortlessly thru the phases. Hmmm..we should be most experienced by now, eh! ;)

Embracing death in a joyful manner does not mean we give up the moment death stares upon us. Trying to live is a natural; all creatures try not to suffer but will strive to be alive. That's why we take our hand away from a hot stove or jump away from the path of a runaway car.

What I am trying to convey is we be brave and peaceful in face of death. We do our utmost, and let go. We know we have tried our best, showed everyone what is possible, smile and say a dignified goodbye. Ian Gawler in his book talked about a conscious death. Death we are aware of, and go willingly and peacefully.

I am aware now the Buddhist attitude to healing includes lots of reference to dying and death, because it is part of the healing process.

Your number's up, old chap

So many people go to their places of worship to receive spiritual guidance. But many still fear death. I mean, if your scriptures promised a great afterlife; why do many people still fear death? I thought you would be looking forward to meet thy Maker (for those who believe in Makers) ;)

If you were to believe your scriptures; you would be looking forward to death. I think in some religions, at certain period of their history; passionate men and women had died willingly and eagerly for what they believe their holy books promised. Of course, they are also accused of being fanatics or misguided. Of being irrational and irrespective of life.

If you believe that someone up there loves you & eagerly want to take you away from Earth to meet him/her, why do you want to prolong earthy existence? Of course it is natural to want to prolong, but to cry and fear deaths just don’t gel with your proclaimed faith. You are just delaying the union between you and your maker...

Death Glorious Death!

It is not the dying I am scared of; it’s the process of dying. I certainly recall my desperate attempt to breathe during the breathless episode in May. I sweated buckets from every minor breathing effort, and every physical effort is a choking experience. Death is certainly a relief then. Yup, don't want that to happen again!

I want a good death. In fact, I wish everyone can WORK on getting a good death. Can this be done?

You can do many things; healthy, peaceful and useful living. The outcome of such living boils down to many other factors; some within our control some not. But at least we made an effort, and should have enjoyed working on it...

Practicalities of dying (incomplete list!)

Make sure your insurance needs are covered; PA, Life, 36 illnesses, Hospital card; and for heaven's sake make sure the premiums are paid on time!

Have you paid your taxes?

Can your family repay your loans?

Do you have a will?

What good looking photos you want to be used for your obituary and gravestone!

How and where do you want your remains to be managed?

If you die immediately after reading this blog, will your loved ones know where you keep documentation for the above?

Grieving and Rejoicing

I am not being frivolous; trying to make death and dying light-hearted. I do want to share the notion that managing death should be something as acceptable as birth and living; not to something feared and averted.

Someone dies; we will grieve, yes, of course. The things we missed about that person. Things unsaid, undone; things which we thought we should have done better or should have said.

That is why death is something we should constantly keep in mind. Our family and friends should be ready for us to go at anytime. We talk to them about eventualities. What we want our family and friends to do when we die. How we can prepare them. Talk to them.

Friends, let me tell you what I would expect from you if I die tomorrow.

I expect you to grieve, of course...

But I would prefer it to be a very very brief grieving.

I prefer to know that you remember me fondly with a smile. The times we share. The challenges we face. The comfortable feeling when we are together.

I want you to remember me that way, which means I have to work on getting that way now! I will be a good son, a good brother, a good cousin, a good uncle, a good nephew and a great friend now.

When I die, and as you gaze upon my serenity (ahem), you can’t help but smile when you recall the good and bad times we had together

Non-update

Friends, apologies for the non-update. My notebook's adapter is not working and a new one is only available on Tuesday. It is not convenient to log-on with a borrowed notebook. I will update this blog on Tuesday.

I have completed all 5 sessions of brain radiotherapy. All seems well :)